I was nearly fluent in Spanish years ago. Now the only thing I can remember with any certainty is, “Tengo un bolígrafo rojo.” But I don’t really have a red pen… Or a red stapler, for that matter…

It’s tough not cursing around the kids, but somehow, I’ve managed! If anyone, regardless of who it was, ever managed to let something slip out, the three-year-old would always chastise them with, “Ahh-aww! You said a word!” Of course, she also learned to lie that her brothers and sisters said something — when they didn’t — just so she could steal whatever they were playing with while they were busy being in trouble, but that’s another story…

Many people object to swearing, claiming that it’s “common” and underscores a person’s lack of vocabulary. On the contrary, I find it profoundly useful for everything from accentuating urgency to emphasizing disbelief, or even futility.

The most prevalent use of “curse words” is in those instances where they posses the fundamental ability to transform an otherwise banal string of words (followed by an exclamation point) into a more honest and heartfelt interjection. In the following example, for instance, the subsequent revision shows us exactly how badly the subject was hurt, as well as giving the reader an emotional attachment to ‘Skip.’

Example Text:

“Ouch!” bellowed Skip.

Revised Text:

“Motherf#@$er!” Skip bellowed. “That f#@$ing hurt like a son-of-a-bitch! What the f#@$, man?!”

As for those who constantly express hateful intolerance to other adults who swear, or condescend them for their usage of this particular category of language, I will only vociferate, “Grow the f#@$ up, or f#@$ off!”

That totally didn’t answer the question, did it? That said, I can’t remember the last time I described any woman’s breasts as “fantastic” …

Be careful what you ask for… You just might get it.