Proof is in the picture —- and bear in mind, this is absolutely NOT retouched! This is the actual ad shown on the Google AdSense section of this very page on January 9th, 2006 at 11:15AM EST!

Man! Who knew? I’ll bet all those Al-Queda who went to Afghanistan to get their Terrorism Certificates really feel stupid now.

Remember, you heard it here first!

Isn’t that just like the media? They get you all worked up about an impending Terrorist attack, and nothing happens. Not that I’m complaining — no, not by any means. 😉 DC-area anchor-person’s reports of late could easily be likened to those of junior Meteorologists. 

There’s a 50% chance of nerve-agents for the weekend, clearing up Monday, when we’ll see mostly cloudy skies and a temperature upwards of 5000°F during the morning rush.

We’re also supposed to have “the biggest storm of the season” this weekend. And, of course, they’re always wrong.

Phbbbt … It’s Valentine’s Day … The current outlook is partly cloudy and cold through the day, with hot. tropical conditions after 6PM.

Supposedly, something’s gonna explode today in DC.  Anti-Missile missiles are positioned all around the area, and firetrucks and police are scrambling like mad in preparation for an impending Biological, Chemical or Nuclear attack — they’re not sure which, but they’re leaning towards Nuclear. 

I never understood the whole “Nuclear War – Be Prepared” mentality when I was a child, and it makes even less sense today.

The majority of my time at Elementary school was spent using an over-abundance of Flag-worship (where we decreed “One nation, under God,” which has been forsaken in the spirit of Political Correctness), and performing all the requisite Fire, Earthquake, Tornado, and Nuclear Drills inspired by “Duck and Cover” cartoons.

“Now you and I don’t have shells to crawl into like Bert the Turtle, so we have to cover up in our own way. First you duck, and then you cover. And very tightly, you cover the back of your neck.”

We all played along, getting down on the floor, underneath our little metal and formica desks, “Indian Style.” Of course, that specific name for sitting on your haunches has been replaced with “cross-legged” in the spirit of Politcal Correctness. The cartoon would continue…

“Remember what to do friends. Now tell me right out loud. What are you supposed to do when you see the flash?”

What we all know now is that if one is lucky enough to see the flash, then their retinas get burned out, and the back of their head just might catch on fire. But in unison, we all sang “Duck and Cover!” like good little Native Americans (in the spirit of Political Correctness — bah!).

Local news is continuing in the same vein of ludicrous paranoia, telling people to build bomb shelters in their homes from Clear Plastic, Aluminum Foil and Duct Tape (supermarkets are sold out of Bottled Water, Hormel Chili with Beans, Spam and Armour Potted Meat Product). I can’t help but make fun —- it’s asinine. They practically guarantee us safety by sealing off a small room in our home with Clear Plastic, Aluminum Foil and Duct Tape.

Anyone should be able to see that it’s silly, but paranoia most always prevails. It’s easy to imagine that in the event of an Earthquake, which could easily be mistaken for a Nuclear explosion, five million DC-area residents could be dead due to suffocation in their home-made “bomb shelter.”

“Duck and Cover” was fun. It was a silly, simplified cartoon that made the Nuclear threat seem not so bad. It empowered us to allay our fears, because we knew full well that if we did exactly like Bert the Turtle, we’d survive and be home in time to watch the 4PM cartoons.

This new information by the likes of ABC, CBS and NBC-network affiliates (we already expect this sort of silliness from Fox, so I didn’t include them in the list) is also fun. It’s a great dose of sarcastic humour when we know that the only solution is to “Sit down, put your head between your legs, and kiss your ass goodbye!” And regardless of whether we follow their instructions or not, we don’t have to worry about missing the 4PM cartoons these days — Cartoon Network guarantees us 24 hours of uninterrupted fun.

I prefer to watch it while sitting Indian-style.

Just wanted to say, we are safe, and there really isn’t anything to worry about. Things are happening up in Maryland for the most part, aside from the one shooting in Manassas (about an hour west) and the one in Fredericksburg (about an hour south). There’s been no activity except in those two less populated areas of Virginia. Considering that, he/she’s probably afraid of being recognised, thus probably lives/d and/or worked/s in the area where we now live. That being the case, it’s ridiculously improbable that anything should happen near his/her home. We’re more worried about driving around. You’re much more likely to get injured in this traffic. 😉

     Wasn’t so long ago we were there, my wife and I…

     I took her on a Holiday through the US and Canada. She’d never been before. She was awed by Chicago’s Field Museum, Toronto’s CN Tower, Niagara Falls, Washington D.C., the Great Smoky Mountains National Park and the like.
     But nothing matched her mixture of fear and excitement as our walk through the streets of Manhattan, seeing the Twin Towers and climbing all those steps to the crown of the Statue of Liberty.

     The thought has crossed my mind a few times today… “What if that happened when we were there?!”

     This morning in New Zealand was like any other morning, except one of the local News sites (who I’m sure I’ll be prosecuted by if I name it — hopefully their US parent is firing the idiot responsible) said “Six people dead, as plane crashes into the World Trade Centre.”
     No big deal, no cause for alarm.

     By the time I got to work at 7:30AM, there was still nothing. I went to MSNBC and CNN.

     I was so angry. Six people dead, indeed.

     I called my wife a couple of times on her mobile to give her the news.

     A bit later, the first other person showed up at work. The first thing I heard from the Natural Born Kiwi is “Ahh, the American dollar sure is flattened!”
     What a cunt.
     I mean, the whole world’s currency is “flattened,” for chrissakes! And how could someone be so cold and emotionless to think about anything other than the tragic loss of life?
     Astounding myself, I actually stood there and said, “People don’t think like that in the States… we…”
     “Oh, yes, it is!” she interrupted. “It’s all over the news! Go look anywhere!”
     She kept talking, but I switched off. I turned and walked back to my desk, finding solace in the thought of how brief the conversation would have been had she been a man.
     I suppose I’m old fashioned that way…

     Through the morning, I watched (at times, attempted to watch) video over the ‘net about the events as they transpired.
     Eventually, the BBC (who are normally quite good, I think) reported that the US was bombing Afghanistan. This news, of course, directly conflicted with everyone else’s news. At the exact time of the report, US officials (even the President, himself!) were denying all involvement with anything that was happening in Afghanistan.
     The BBC continued to report that the Americans weren’t denying it… in direct conflict with everyone else’s news. Blah, blah.

     Family, friends and I all chatted back and forth through the day by ‘net and telephone. We passed one another bits of breaking news and not-so-breaking news.
     None of us could believe it.

     On New Zealand radio, people were calling in giving a mixture of commentary, the majority of which could be described as “speaking just to hear themselves talk.”
     Most memorable is “Yeah, nah, I figure the US brought it on themselves!”
     After a remark like that, one tends to get riled and ignore anything positive that might have been said afterwards.

     It makes me even more despondent…

     I’m American. And apparently that simple fact makes it acceptable for most everyone on these tiny little islands to treat me like shit…

     Tonight on New Zealand news, there’s a lot more “talking just to hear themselves speak.”

     Most memorable are the comments like, “We’re just gutted! Nah, yeah, we felt like this when Princess Diana was killed.”
     Somehow, that doesn’t mean shit to me. I suppose maybe if she’d died amongst several thousand and there were a few less memorable landmarks in the world because of it, perhaps it would. Or am I just missing the point…?

     Somehow, I doubt it.