Tags: dating, psychos, sex, women
As I’ve mentioned before, I generally hang out with women. I’m comfortable around them. I enjoy their company and companionship. But dating is tough. When you go from “friends” to “more than friends,” there are substantial changes in what’s allowed and what isn’t, what they’re worrying about and the way they treat you.
Last month, I put up a personal ad on a dating site just to see what would come of it. My profile was natural, just a quick ramble about myself, what I didn’t want, what I was looking for and where I wanted to end up.
I was also quite clear that I didn’t want to date women with children, because there are simply too many points of possible conflict such as distraction which take away from being able to get to know one another, conflicts with schedules, meeting ex-husbands and ex-boyfriends, families who don’t take kindly to anyone else other than the father-of-a-child being with their daughter, discipline issues, etc. etc. etc. I simply don’t want the stress of that.
I was also quite clear that I wasn’t looking for mind games, and wasn’t putting up the ad simply to find a boink-of-the-night.
Unfortunately, all of these things were ignored.
Out of fifteen people who I went out with over the course of a month (yes, my profile was popular)…
- Nine went out specifically to complain about the fact that I didn’t want children. Insults ranged from my being selfish, having a worthless life, being a sexist, to nothing but pure profanity.
- Two went out specifically for sex. One became extremely angry and stormed out mid-date because I wasn’t interested in helping her get back at her cheating husband. The other got so entirely falling-down drunk that she couldn’t keep her clothes on, and then decided to profanely take a knock at my sexuality because I didn’t find her particularly attractive at that point.
- One went out, talked about what a great time she had and how much she was looking forward to our next date, but stood me up and then systematically and callously went out of her way to ignore me without bothering to even tell me what was going on.
The remaining three were sweet, they were fun. There was no real chemistry between us, but they’ve become friends nonetheless. But a twenty-five percent rate of having an amicable time together is bad odds. It is absolutely astounding that seventy-fire percent of the women I went out with from that site were such total … err, umm … well, you know.
It’s truly refreshing to see Joan over at Seven Inches of Sense make a similar argument. It’s good to know that just when I’m feeling despondent, someone of the opposite sex can pipe up and make an argument about very thing that’s I have known is true, and has been bugging the crap out of me.
Somehow, over the past fifteen or so years, the attitude of women has changed drastically. They have gone from striving to prove their worth, to asserting it without ever having proven anything. And the problem is, somebody is allowing them to do it. Men have become so scared of being called ‘sexist’ that they are enabling these bitchy little divas to walk all over them. It’s time for that to stop, boys. There are other options.
Seriously, if I see another video, movie, or book about what scum men are and how the scorned woman can destroy them, I think I might just pluck my eyeballs from their sockets. Do you know how much shit a man would get for putting this kind of hatred out into the world against women? Need I remind you of the fallout over the Eminem song, Guilty Conscience, where a man is urged to kill his cheating wife? It got ugly. Yet when the Dixie Chicks sang a song about killing an abusive spouse, people dedicate websites to explaining step-by-step how to get away with murder. Seems a bit lopsided doesn’t it?
I’ve been hurt by men in some truly horrific ways. But at the end of the day, how I handle it is the only thing within my control. And that is the only part of the ordeal that says anything about my character. Everything else is on them. If I go off the deep end and ruin someone’s life because they hurt me, that becomes definitive of who I am as a person, and as a woman. Do I want to be a cruel, jaded bitch? Not especially. There are people who think this makes me a pushover. Personally, I think it makes me an adult…not a whiney little child.
I don’t make demands of my mates (except in bed). I make requests. How they react to my requests, lets me know what kind of person they are and if the relationship is going to work out. But everywhere I look, I see women beating men down into submission with the entitled diva attitude. It makes me very sad for those men. I guess they don’t know it doesn’t have to be like that. Even though that attitude does seem to dominate popular culture, it isn’t indicative of all women. Just keep looking and you’re bound to run up on a good one at some point. But when you do, you better hold on to her for dear life because she might not come around a second time.
Bravo, Joan! You’ve singlehandedly restored my faith that there might actually be some normal, rational women out there past my group of friends!
I was actually starting to wonder…