August 19th, 2009 at 1:23 pm by Zacque
Tags: cigarettes, gonzo, sarcasm, smoking, stream-of-conscience
I am not anxious.
I am sped up, ready to take over the world in a matter of minutes.
I am the wanton lover you always wanted, the man who can make you hot and heavy in a matter of seconds.
Ready to sell you into a business deal you don’t want to walk away from.
I am the experienced space monkey, shot into space, now on the return trip.
I am Zachary Hitchcock and I have just quit the cancer stick.
August 13th, 2009 at 11:27 pm by Mark
Tags: customers, dogs, humor, sarcasm
During the course of a conversation, a customer complained of a capricious canine. The malcontented mutt, so known as Buddy, was the property of a pestiferous old prune next door. He’d decided it was his duty to guard their front door and growl aggressively every time they tried to go into their own garage.
When I arrived at the premises, I was immediately pounced upon by the pesky pooch, which resulted in my kicking the bastard under the jaw. He didn’t seem to like it very much, but buggered off, regardless.
Their own two dogs had been terrorized by the territorial tail-wagger, a detail that became clear today. The pups watched intently as I banished the bitchy ol’ bastard with a few blasts from a BB Gun. They immediately began a gleeful, circle-running trip — yes, they were overjoyed!
Maybe you had to be there … But it’s funny to me that the neighbor’s annoying dog can understand the meaning of, “Fuck off!” He didn’t ask questions, didn’t make promises, didn’t try and defend himself. He just fucked off. 😉
Note: Thanks, Sam, for reminding me to alliterate more…