Tags: asshats, conspiracy-theory, humor, insomnia, sarcasm
I notice a great many people aren’t sleeping. Everyone keeps looking for the elusive Mr. Sandman. Even Glenn has complained, blaming Hulu for his lack of sleep. But no one has considered the fact that I may be behind it all.
As a rather undelightful pair of asshats have already pointed out, I am Pure Evil™. It’s okay to say that, because I’m used to it. That fact was always reinforced by my mother, who claims that I am the Antichrist. Although, I’m pretty sure Revelations 17:4 says what that makes her…
And since someone else pointed out that everything is my fault, I figured I might as well come clean for the sake of conspiracy.
The fact is, I’m holding Mr. Sandman for ransom until my demands are met.
My demands are simple, and finite. First, I need Remastered editions of the complete works of Ella Fitzgerald and The Ink Spots. Second, I need a the Xbox version of Flashpoint: Dragon Rising. Third, I need safe passage to London, England, where I have some old business to take care of.
And lastly, if you all ever want to sleep again, one meeeeeeellion dollars.
*holds pinky to side of mouth*
Yeah, not buying it? Me, either. I’m just not arrogant enough to even pull that kind of shit.