What Sticks in My Head
November 12th, 2008 at 10:31 pm by Mark
Tags: asshats, food, humor, innuendo, laugh, racism, sarcasm
What’s more damaging: a couple of asshats who don’t pay you, or someone attacking your reputation?
Today I had two asshats who didn’t pay me. One of them was just being a typical asshat, with the same old boring excuses for being a deadbeat. The other came up with an elaborate story about how they installed incompatible software four days after I was in the system, but because it broke the other software and they didn’t bother to notify me that it was broken, and there was nothing in the logs about it being broken, that I owed them a two hour fix for free with no explanation of the situation before I went into fixing it other than, “It’s broke.”
No, see, that stuff doesn’t bother me… I’m used to it, as pissed as it makes me.
It was a third one that really stuck in my craw because it’s unfathomable:
“He ran across your site and you had some stuff on there that made it sound like you were racist… said he wouldn’t give you a penny for a day’s work.”
WTF? Exqueeze me?
No, seriously, that’s what kept me so worked up when I lived in Kentucky those three months… I couldn’t go five minutes without some asshat making up total horse pucky, and attempting to circumvent every single good thing I tried to do. Everything became a damn conspiracy, and I was behind every bit of it!
So I pressed about HTF he could come up with I’m sounding “like a racist” …
“Well damn I voted wrong” … like it is some sexual reference to Kenyan women
O. M. F. G.
So somebody claims I’m a racist, goes the extra mile to say they wouldn’t give me “a penny for a day’s work” because they’re too ignorant to know a couple of premium, dark coffee beans, instead turning it into a relationship that even an overly-sensitive, extremely jealous girlfriend — or ex-girlfriend, wife, stalker, nutjob next door — couldn’t twist it into if she tried?
Wow.
Let’s just say, just to even attempt to make any logic out of such a ridiculous assertion, that even if it had been a “sexual reference to Kenyan women,” how the Hell could that possibly make me a racist?
Unless he’s totally against racial mixing… thus making him…
A white trash cracker!
Oh, and there’s a meal I detest: a venison round steak (medium well), canned corn and canned green beans.
Apparently, that makes me a racist, too.
[ he says, as he laughs his way to the kitchen for seconds of injera, gored-gored and quince ]
November 13th, 2008 at 12:05 am
Mark, another of my very close and personal people in my life has this happen to her too. Clients somehow think that after they’ve contracted you to do a job, that if they stumble across your own personal blog and don’t like your personally held views, that it’s some legitimate cause to not pay you, or to make your life a living hell because they do pay you and they think that gives them the right to dictate what your personal views should be.
I say they should all grab a fraccing brain and understand that if they contract you (verbally or otherwise) to do a job for them, and you do that job… then they fraccing well owe you the fee regardless of whether or not they like you or your views!
Would they go into a grocery store and, upon finding themselves in the checkout line of someone they realize they know and know their views… refuse to pay for their milk and bread? Bullshit.
I’m on your side! Take ’em to a collection agent. ROFL. Or start posting their names on an “I am a deadbeat” blog list.
November 13th, 2008 at 12:39 am
That’s what Asshat of the Day is for. I didn’t even get to do business with this guy, because apparently, I’m a racist.
The guy smoking crack on my steps (seriously!) was like, “Dude, he call you a racist? That’s cold! Man, f%&$ that cracker!”
I’m not sure what was more amusing, the irony or the sarcasm…
November 13th, 2008 at 1:09 am
Shades of your overly sensitive extremely jealous African wife LOL! Sorry I couldn’t resist. It just wouldn’t be you if you didn’t take aim at a deserving target. From a work perspective I can say there’s nobody better to work with because you’re good at what you do and you keep it light. You could adapt to anything and keep people laughing while doing it. Having company drinks out one night Mark looks at one of our ‘esteemed’ Congressman and says something like “Considering it takes at least ninety five percent of your brain to keep up that level of stupidity, why do involuntary motors skills like breathing continue to function?” It went silent and finally the guy busts a gut laughing and actually came down to our level for a while. The shock value paid off. It’s really a shame that people don’t understand sarcasm as humor any more.
November 13th, 2008 at 1:50 am
No, more like shades of the overly-demanding, overly-sensitive, extremely-jealous, long-since-gone-home EX-wife. 😉
Oh, man, I forgot about that little incident… I don’t think I was quite so eloquent, but thanks for the laugh. 🙂 And the compliments, and the vote of confidence. Can I use you as a reference? 😉
What you failed to mention was the reason why I went off… Every other word out of his mouth was the N-word, but at least his Andy-Rooney-lookin’-ass fell back in line after that well-deserved lambast. *grin*
Combatting negativity with Sarcasm and Satire is definitely risky. It’s truly odd how my _reactions_ are gauged as “more negative” than the ridiculous statements of the originator… It seems like fewer and fewer people bother to read the bloody tags at the top of each blog post. *shrug*
But at least most of them know what good coffee is… *snicker*
November 13th, 2008 at 9:57 am
Well that’s a new one. If you decide that you want to take him to collections might I suggest, Fredrick Conrad Jr.
November 13th, 2008 at 10:15 am
Okay, lemme clearify, since it appears two people have taken it that way:
This guy wouldn’t give me any work, and that was his reasoning. It was two entierly different asshats who used me without paying.
But yeah, thanks for Fred’s info — might come in handy for il solicitore di prostitutti… err, I mean, “John.”
November 16th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
Okay… so he’s still a frickin’ idiot. 😉