Given the opportunity, one of the things people find most perplexing about me is how much animals love me. Be it the angriest dog or the most shy housecat, or even wild animals such as deer or tigers, they show little fear and seek out my attention like I’m an old friend they’ve known for years. Unless they’re ferrets.

For whatever reason, as soon as I near one, even the most docile of ferrets will turn ferocious, seeking blood from the closest jugular vein they can attach themselves to, whether it belongs to me or the poor bastard holding them.

Ferrets are evil, and I know this. And I’m sure I’m not the only one…