Some guys are so creepy you think, “Yeah, he puts the S, T and D in Stud!”

I know one ex who misses me on Valentine’s Day. I certainly hope her aim doesn’t improve…

“Pulp Fiction” Screenshot Copyright © 1994, Miramax, A Band Apart and Jersey Films

These days, some “Secret Admirers” go far beyond the acceptable…

On Valentine’s Day, a middle-aged cat lady receives a visit from her Fairy Godmother, who offers her three wishes.

“I wish I was twenty-one and beautiful!” The wish is instantly granted.

“I wish I had a million dollars!” The wish is granted.

“I wish that my cat here was the most handsome, sexiest guy in the world and that he’s madly in love with me!” The wish is granted.

The now-young lady and her man go inside, but he seems uninterested in doing anything more than cuddling, despite her repeated attempts to get him in the mood. Her frustration is beginning to show.

He stops, looks deeply into her eyes and says, “Are you upset that you had me fixed?”

Because four words, “floor sanding machine rental” was just too damned easy.