Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Heavy Police Presence for Labor Day

September 3rd, 2012 at 9:09 pm by Mark
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Because it’s labor day, there are far too many police. Everyone be safe, and don’t drink and drive.

Never, Ever Brush Your Teeth in the Dark

September 3rd, 2012 at 5:59 pm by Mark
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Anyone who’s ever watched the movie Amelie knows that going to the bathroom in auto-pilot mode is also probably a bad idea.

Stock Photos

Racial Stereotype Fail

September 2nd, 2012 at 1:58 pm by Mark
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Apparently someone remembered that whole bit about Egypt back in the day…

Note: If this offended you as being “racist,” your sarcasm level may be low. Please refill and try again.

Stop Making Fun of Justin Beiber!

September 1st, 2012 at 5:52 pm by Mark
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Justin Bieber is eighteen years old now — a grown woman, perfectly able to take care of herself.

Robinhood: Free Stocks for your Referrals!

Spelling Mistake Causes Arrests

August 31st, 2012 at 5:52 pm by Mark
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This is why education is important for police officers and politicians…