Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Milkshake Not Bringing Enough Boys to the Yard?

February 25th, 2014 at 7:34 pm by Mark
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Listening to the trials and tribulations of a friend of mine as she re-enters the dating scene has been nothing short of comical. The other day, she mentioned that her milkshake, “seems to bring ALL SIDES to the yard,” including, “a very sweet transgendered lady.”

My current theory is that she may have left the straw in the milkshake….

Milkshake Day 1: No boys yet.

Some Hope for Bieber Fans

February 25th, 2014 at 5:28 pm by Mark
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Apparently, self-awareness and a modicum of maturity can help some of the most hopeless Justin Bieber fans.

Twitter User: "I'm done trying to defend justin ;( he's so stupid :( :("  Response: "The fall has begun."  Repsonse: "THEY'RE BECOMING SELF-AWARE."

Stock Photos

Bathroom Floor for Thrill Seekers

February 25th, 2014 at 3:24 pm by Mark
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If I ever own a bar, this is how I want the bathroom floor painted. I wonder if people who were afraid of heights would end up with vertigo in this bathroom?

Painted Floor: Now Imagine You're Drunk

Random Pizza Innuendos

February 24th, 2014 at 5:11 pm by Mark
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Yeah, this totally sounds like something I’d do…

Richie via Facebook: I ordered a pizza the other day, when she read the order back to me, she said, "You have one thick sausage, anything else?" I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I ordered pizza, too."

Stock Photos

Grumpy Cat on People

February 24th, 2014 at 3:29 pm by Mark
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Lack of coffee just might explain why Grumpy Cat is so grumpy.

Grumpy Cat: "I like people the same way I like my coffee.  I don't like coffee."