Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnet™ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

All I Did was Hold a Door

October 25th, 2007 at 12:27 pm by Mark
Tags: , , , , , ,

     There’s something that’s bothered me for a long, long time, and it’s changed my behavior a little.

     If I walk up to a door to open it, I glance around to see if anyone else is close.  If they are, I hold it open for them.  It’s a simple thing, that most people don’t do at all any more.

     Some people are semi-thankful, but can’t really be bothered to do much more than nod or half-grunt a, “Thanks,” before continuing to walk blindly around not paying attention to anyone else around them.

     Occasionally, you get one of the uber-Feminists who will rip you a new butt for holding her door open.  She’s perfectly capable of doing it herself, and what a chauvanistic piece of — *BONK!* — as the door hits her in the face, because she’s too busy complaining to note that you let it go and walked away… at which point, you’re demoted to misogynist, and… *rolls eyes* 
     I always wonder how those types react when they see me hold the door for the guy at the next door…

     Unfortunately, most people these days are asshats and don’t care that I hold the door for them, at all.  Why, no!  I should be privileged for having held their door!  I’m not antisocial (I’m really not), but stuff like that is exactly why I think the vast majority of people should get bent.

     Needless to say, it is due to the above three classes of people that I don’t stop, hold the door, and wait for people to go through ahead of me.  Bloody hell, half of the population are so brash and rude that they will jump right on through while I’m holding open for my lady, who I really wanted to walk in with…
     Thus, I’m very good about holding it behind me.  And, if I accidentally drop it as someone’s coming, I even go so far as to apologize to them.
     Weird, eh?

     But today, as I walked up to the door to a store, I noticed an elderly woman with a very young teenager approaching.  Ignoring my usual instincts, I stopped, grabbed the door, held it open, and said, “After you!” as I ushered them inside.
     The two looked me right in the eyes, and with large, genuine smiles, said, “Oh, thank you!” in unison.
     Genuine thanks?!  That’s so rare!  I couldn’t help but say something, and when I opened my mouth, “My pleasure!” came tumbling out.
     Again, more smiles.  As they walked on into the store arm-in-arm, they leaned and whispered to one another, patted the others’ arms as they went.

     Simply amazing.

     Nostalgic, even, remember how people used to act when you did some random act of kindness…?

Mikhail Kalashnikov Rolls in his Grave

October 18th, 2007 at 3:45 pm by Mark
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

[ 4:02PM EDT: My apologies, Mr. Kalashnikov, and a toast.  Cheers! ] 

     Typical of Asian “cute,” isn’t it?

HK-47

     It’s the “The Glambo Signature Series ‘Hello Kitty’ HK-AK-47” from GlamGuns.com:

The world should note the hand-crocheted shoulder-stock muffler and the anodized titanium plating. Several choices in stock wood are available. With a limited run of only 500, buy now before they’re gone! An mere $100 extra includes Glambo’s signature wood-burnt into the opposite side of the handguard. A perfect gift for the young lady of the house.
A bargain at only $1072.95!

     “A perfect gift for the young lady of the house,” huh?  I’m also sure this one is destined to be the new favorite of Thai Hookers.  And the Gay Mafia in Massachusetts.  And maybe Elmo when he snaps… That Grover just won’t return his affection.

     Really, I think I’ll stick with assault-rifle-black… On a pre-ban, milled Bulgarian at the rock-bottom price of only $425.

     *shakes head*

     Friggin’ vandals.

     I would sooner buy a Norinco

Tip: Anton. Photo from GlamGuns.com: Guns for Girls and Glamorous Weaponry.

Get $20 of bonus stock when you make a deposit on Stash!

H to the Piddy

October 17th, 2007 at 12:47 am by Mark
Tags: , , , ,

     I am not, nor have I ever been, a fan of Harry Potter.

     Although, I have to admit, those movies were slightly more enjoyable than sitting through hours and hours of Lord of the Rings without so much as an intermission… Watching a movie is never fun coupled with excruciating kidney pain because you’re afraid you’ll miss something crucial or interesting (which, as it turns out, was pretty impossible with Fellowship of the Ring, anyway).

     (Blasphemy?  Yeah, maybe.  Sue me!)

     But while we’re on Rap…

     I really should go to bed…

Not That I Smoke Indo…

October 17th, 2007 at 12:14 am by Mark
Tags: , , ,

     Snoop Doggy Dogg did that Gin & Juice song a few years, and it was apparently quite popular.  *shrug*  Not my thing…

     Richard Cheese follows up the hit with a Lounge version…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHeFVS6rzJU

     But nothing can beat The Gourds version…

     Now that’s Classic Country…

Robinhood: Free Stocks for your Referrals!

Congratulations are in Order

October 9th, 2007 at 1:22 pm by Mark
Tags: , , , , , ,

     In case anyone was wondering, yes, it really happened.

     At precisely 2PM on Saturday, September 29th, 2007, our Virulent Virtuoso of Vagary (and Prominent Proponent of Piratry!), Ms. Diva Howe, finally tied the knot with the love of her life.

     The Great Underwear Crisis was solved.  And no, there was no Spiderman cake.

Diva & Tony

     And from the looks of it, Tony is actually able to handle her. 😉

Diva & Tony

     And so, Diva, Tony, I give you two bits of wisdom as you proceed down your road together:

  1. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
  2. It’s all small stuff.

     *cheers!*