Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnet™ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Yes, I Still Think War Protesters are Moonbats

March 22nd, 2007 at 2:02 am by Mark
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     In 2004, I moved outta DC because the place is pretty much a hell-hole of arrogance and one-upmanship.

     Leading up to the Iraq war, the entire town was behind it save for a few bus loads full of Neo-Nazi Skinheads wearing WWJD bracelets.  Personally, I’m pretty sure Jesus wouldn’t’ve been shaving his head, wearing Swastikas and threatening to kill all the Jews, but maybe that’s just me *rolls eyes*.

     As weeks progressed and the conflict escalated, politicians who’d voted for the war a few weeks prior began spouting rhetoric about how they were always against the war…

     It wasn’t long before the War Protestors started going moonbat-loopy.

     I remember being harassed one morning on the way to work at the Fairfax metro, when I simply walked past the guy trying to hand me his anti-war flyer.  He started screaming, “Fascist motherf&$#er!  You’re a g#$!%m babykiller!”  The rock-salt was down to keep us from falling face first in the slush, but that dear protester decided to see if he could help me fall a little easier.  I turned around and gave him a small shove back, and he finally shut his damn mouth.

     Arriving at work, I was met with another obnoxious punk at the top of the D.O.T. steps.  He was screaming, cussing at everyone who wouldn’t take his flyer.  On Federal Property.  And the D.O.T rent-a-cops wouldn’t get rid of him…

     He was still there at lunch, screaming, shoving people.  And DC people, generally, when threatened, tend to turn Zombie and ignore what’s going on.  They get shoved, they shut down, and continue trying to walk like nothing’s happening to them.

     I am not that way.

     I observed as Mr. Moron accosted an old woman, shoved her down, and busted her purse open.  Her coins went everywhere.  Being typical of the area, people just walked around the bloody-kneed old lady, ignored the screaming moron and went about their business as if it was perfectly normal.

     I ran to her aid, attempted to help her up, and received a short-lived tirade from the moron … short-lived because when he got in my face for trying to help her off the ground, he got a love-pat and a gingerly toss down the Metro escalator.

     And when trying to help the old lady gather her loose change, she simply ignored me, unwilling to make any eye contact, unwilling to accept the money I’d picked up for her.  And nobody else would pick it up.

     There were numerous other stupid incidents which made me loathe to ride the DC Metro after a while (an Asian lady who continually attempted to push me in front of the train, a man who attempted to climb me — standing on the back of my leg and holding my shoulder — trying to push his way into an overstuffed Metro car, the group of suit-and-tie-clad Howard Dean supporters screaming “DON’T TOUCH ME! DON’T TOUCH ME! DON’T TOUCH ME!” and biting passengers for accidentally brushing against them in another overstuffed car), but I digress.

     This is typical of DC.

     It’s a relatively tiny land area chock-full of asinine, and overflowing with WTF.

     Knoxville protesters tend to be at least a little less moronic.  The culture here is very different to DC, in that most people are usually — at least somewhat — nice to each other.  They still scream sarcasm, and use all the silly catch-phrases which don’t apply (general misuse of words and such).  But for the most part, they’re not hitting people.  They’re usually not throwing things at passersby.

     “The smell of patchouli in the air so thick it makes my eyes water,” said Lissa Kay as she filmed this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1pxJe0rFNA

     You can also see that they enlisted the aid of many of Knoxville’s homeless population in exchange for free doughnuts.  I guess they needed to show numbers, and really didn’t think about how demeaning it would be to bribe people to their cause using food…

     Especially when many of the protesters claim that our government was doing that to rural Iraqis…

     Can you say, “Reprehensible hypocrites!” boys and girls?

     I knew you could.

I Should Just Syndicate Fracas

March 13th, 2007 at 11:17 pm by Mark
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     Seriously… From her blog… 

Stupid Teenager Tricks

Please, it’s good advice…

Pies are meant for eating. Like with ice cream or cheese, on a plate, with a fork.

     Myself, I’m too pissed off to be funny lately.  Glad someone’s making me laugh.

Get $20 of bonus stock when you make a deposit on Stash!

Tae Kwon Do Mom Ties Up EMS Resources

March 9th, 2007 at 12:28 pm by Mark
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     Apparently, this nutjob, California Tae Kwon Do-mom would like the Cops to enforce “Your Way, Right Away” at Burger King…

     “Ma’am, we’re not going to go down there and enforce your Western Bacon Cheeseburger … that’s not a criminal issue.”
     Fortunately, her calling 911 and tying up resources is a criminal issue.  Unfortunately, they apparently didn’t bother to arrest her.  That might have taught her kids not to be such spoiled little brats.

     What do you bet she was driving a mini-van?

     In a weird way, it reminded me of an EMS training call from Houston several years ago.  (Language Alert! — but it’s soooooo worth it)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1BQW-0dpNrA

     The original was sped up before considerably before being broadcast on the Art Bell Show (remember him?), so the voices ended up sounding as far from their original southern drawl as possible…
     Several operators who received the training call were unsure whether or not the event was real, which makes it even better.  This is what a good EMS instructor should do — it weeds out those operators who can’t handle the stress. 

     “I need a bambi-lance!” 

     Preferably long enough to kill a deer…

Tip: Fracas

Fix the Google Sitemap Generator Plugin for WordPress

March 7th, 2007 at 12:23 pm by Mark
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     Arne Brachnold’s Google Sitemap Generator for WordPress is a pretty neat piece of software that’ll build a Google-style XML-Sitemap, and ping Google with it every time you update your blog.
     Good stuff for SEO, good stuff for making sure Google has your site indexed. 

     After setting up a few blogs with the latest, I found a caveat that just annoyed me to death: you’re in the Admin, but when you manually update the sitemap, it comes back with a blank page. Sure, I know how to work around it, but they guys I’m setting this stuff up for get all huffy about it.
     Pretty quick bug to figure out.  There’s even a nice ticket on Trac (Ticket 604) that I’m unable to post this solution to…
     Line 2463 of sitemap.php is:

<script type=”text/javascript” src=”list-manipulation.js” mce_src=”list-manipulation.js”></script>

     Of course, that doesn’t exist, but if we change it to:

<script type=”text/javascript” src=”../wp-includes/js/list-manipulation-js.php” mce_src=”../wp-includes/js/list-manipulation-js.php”></script>

     …then all is right and good with the world.

     Hopefully, Arne’ll drop this in his next release — and be able to close Ticket 604 on Trac.  😉

[Ed. Note: The text of this article refers to “the latest” WordPress (2.1.x) and version of the plugin for it (3.0xxx).]

responsive_wp_468x60

Time-Lapse Speed Painting

March 2nd, 2007 at 11:33 am by Mark
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     Quite by accident, I ran across a time-lapse video of a Photoshop paing by an “arte fusion” artist named Nico.  Some of you have probably seen this guy before…

     If you can see it fast enough, you might actually learn something about Photoshop.  Some people, of course, will discount Nico’s talent as a computerized trick, so here’s another one of his…

     He’s a talented artist, no doubt, but doing the time-lapse video is particularly brilliant in that it turns the relatively mundane act of painting into an enjoyable act of performance art.  It’s difficult to say what’s better: the artistic creations themselves, or the time-lapse videos of their production?

     For even more, check out his Profile page on YouTube.