Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnet™ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

“Your Name is What?” Australian Edition

January 15th, 2014 at 1:00 pm by Mark
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The United States doesn’t corner the market on sexual innuendos for names, as proven by this Australian. You have to wonder — was it really his name, or did he just want to show how naïve the media can be?

Pick the Right Name so Your Child Won't Hate You: Jack Mehoff, North Bundaberg Resident

The Campaign for Cheeseburger Equality

January 14th, 2014 at 9:40 pm by Mark
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Next, they’ll be going on about the weight of the burgers. Personally, I don’t want a skinny little burger — I prefer mine a bit “thick.”

Cheeseburgers.  Since when is this more attractive than this?  End the impossible standards set by the media. All burgers are beautiful. Real burgers | real beauty.

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Bacon Cheeseburger

January 14th, 2014 at 7:38 pm by Mark
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Sometimes, even vegetarians crave a good, juicy bacon cheeseburger.

Best Friends Forever

The Difference Between Pets and Non-Pets

January 14th, 2014 at 5:36 pm by Mark
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Regardless of how some people try and blur the lines, some animals are pets and some animals are food.

Why Love One But Not the Other? Because One Isn't Full of Delicious Bacon

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Your Day Could Be Worse

January 14th, 2014 at 1:50 pm by Mark
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Some days, the squirrel gets the nut… Other days…

Net Time You're Having a Bad Day, Think of This Squirrel