Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Why Luke Denied Vader Was His Father

July 18th, 2013 at 5:22 pm by Mark
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Remember when Luke screamed to Vader, “No! It’s not true! I’ll never join you!”? Well, prior to the Star Wars Special Edition, Luke might’ve thought he had a very valid reason…

Denial: Because if Vader isn't Luke's father, he can keep doing his sister.

Don’t Mess With the Crazy Cat Lady

July 17th, 2013 at 5:18 pm by Mark
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Crazy Cat Lady may be a Black Belt.

Crazy Cat Lady Window Sticker

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Lack of Comma Causes Cannibalism

July 16th, 2013 at 5:12 pm by Mark
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Proper use of Commas is as important as the proper use of Capitalization, especially when someone I know was telling the story about helping his uncle Jack off his horse.

"I'm hungry. >-<"  "Go eat my child.  Go eat, my child. Don't you f---ing go near my children"

Are We Losing Our Imaginations?

July 15th, 2013 at 5:03 pm by Mark
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Every time someone says something stupid, I want to follow them around with a camera and pitch a new reality television show to A&E…

Every time someone dies in a movie I stare at their chest and watch for breathing...

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Office Space: Revenge of the Lumbergh

July 14th, 2013 at 5:29 pm by Mark
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Apparently, that whole “red stapler” thing stuck in my head. I think Lumbergh would make an excellent, if not quirky, Sith Lord…

Lumbergh Vader: "So, ummm, if you could just come to the Dark Side, that would be great..."