I was nearly fluent in Spanish years ago. Now the only thing I can remember with any certainty is, “Tengo un bolígrafo rojo.” But I don’t really have a red pen… Or a red stapler, for that matter…

Teenagers can be the most sarcastic, irreverent lifeforms in the known universe. But this one is still not gonna get one up on Dad…

I was looking for a car once, and told the woman I was calling about the ad. She gave me her address, and when I showed up, she said, “Just remember, no biting or hitting, and you have to use a condom.” Apparently, she was selling more than just a Lumina on Craigslist…

Since July 4th, there have been numerous reports and articles regarding addiction, especially alcohol abuse. The fact is, most anything can be done to excess: eating, watching television, using the computer and even getting angry. But with a lot of love and plenty of positive reinforcement, many people turn out just fine.

Hipsters must be avoided at all costs, if only for the simple fact that in their pretense, they were annoyed by you first.