Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Guys: It’s Never Too Hot to Take Off Your Shirt

July 8th, 2013 at 5:21 pm by Mark
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According to most women, the only man allowed to take off his shirt at any given time is Channing Tatum.

Shirt Tag: "100% Cotton, Machine Wash Cold. It's never so hot that you have to take off your shirt. Don't be that guy."

Offended by “Fresh Meat”

July 7th, 2013 at 5:13 pm by Mark
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You know times they are a-changing when people are offended that women who are taking off their clothes in front of a bunch of men are being objectified as sexual objects… In typical Canadian form, Jeremy Rossier, Manager of the No. 5 Orange club in Vancouver, BC responded, “Sorry.”

Headline: "Strip club removes 'fresh meat' sign."

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Why Are UFO Photos Always So Bad?

July 6th, 2013 at 5:09 pm by Mark
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The fact that nearly every single UFO, Bigfoot and Loch Ness Monster photo out there is a grainy mess does tend to throw the burden on proof on the person making the claims…

A UFO! Quick! Grab the worst camera we own!

Artistic Sushi?

July 5th, 2013 at 5:00 pm by Mark
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If you’re going to claim your sushi is a work of art, you might as well make it so — like this sushi, inspired by the impressionist Edward Munch’s painting, “The Scream.”

Artistic Sushi: Edward Munch's "The Scream"

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Independence Day 2013

July 4th, 2013 at 5:50 pm by Mark
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I’m sorry to report that I’m not feeling very “patriotic” lately, given my personal circumstances. Regardless, I do wish everyone a happy — and, most of all, safe! — Fourth of July.

Dorothy: "But hpow can you talk if you haven't got a brain?"  Scarecrow: "I don't know, but some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't they?"  [Congress]