Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Stupidity on Parade: The Maury Show

June 23rd, 2013 at 5:27 pm by Mark
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I didn’t fail Biology or Math when I was in school, and thus, never fathered any children. I will admit, however, that I did fail English once, which is a bit odd to me, considering it is my first language…

Corey says he is 2 Billion Percent Sure he did not father Tyisha's baby.  The Furture: This is what happens when you fail both Biology and Mathematics.

Who Runs the Hospital Wet Lab?

June 22nd, 2013 at 5:11 pm by Mark
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Just down the Hall from Dr. Slutsky in Room 9021-O is Mike Hock, Chief of Staff.

9021 Q - Dr. Slutsky - Wet Lab

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Alicia Keys Blasts Kim & Kanye on Twitter

June 21st, 2013 at 5:43 pm by Mark
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“North West” might be a cute and clever name for a baby, but only if your name is Kanye. Neither parent seems to care about the future chiding, “I went down south on North West,” when she’s in high school…

Alicia Keys: "Seriously Kim and Kanye, you named her 'North'......? That's like me naming my kid 'Car'"

More Bathroom Etiquette

June 20th, 2013 at 5:57 pm by Mark
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Bathroom etiquette from the gym…

Bathroom Rules: - Do not make eye contact when using the urinals.  - No talking to people in the stall.  - No running. Unless you accidentally clogged the toilet. Then get out before anyone sees it was you.  - No asking stall-mates for more toilet paper. If you run out just accept your fate and weep silently.  - Please keep poop gruns and other noises to a reasonable level.

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Grocery Shopping: Competitor Prices

June 19th, 2013 at 5:02 pm by Mark
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WalMart’s grocery department needs price tags like this so that every consumer can see how badly they’re getting screwed over by not shopping at Kroger. Anyone who says they’re cheaper obviously hasn’t paid attention in class.

Rainbo Hamburger Buns: $2.99.  Elsewhere: $2.49.