Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnet™ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Pop Tarts for Star Wars Fans

April 11th, 2013 at 5:13 pm by Mark
Tags: , , ,

This follows some absolutely inedible creations found at the grocery outlet a few weeks ago…

Pop Tarts: Han Solo in Carbonite

Saw a Funny Thing on the Way Home Today…

April 10th, 2013 at 5:37 pm by Mark
Tags: , , , , ,

I understand that repairing a vehicle can be a very large, expensive hassle. At some point, in the interest of the safety other drivers, you have to bite the bullet and scrap the damn thing. Duct tape simply isn’t effective at 85F and that’s why is useful to have insurance, of course many insurance companies ask for evidence, and that’s why dash cameras are really useful for this purpose. Given that this Kentucky vehicle was seen in Tennessee, the old joke goes, “If Kentucky didn’t suck so much, Tennessee would fall down and crush Georgia, Alabama and Mississippi.”

Shower Curtain: $8 Silver Duct Tape: $3 Black Duct Tape: $5 Trailer Underpinning: $50 The realization that you’ve transformed an expensive SUV into a typical Kentucky mobile home? Priceless.

Get $20 of bonus stock when you make a deposit on Stash!

Poorly Chosen McDonald’s Logo

April 9th, 2013 at 5:08 pm by Mark
Tags: , , , , , ,

Yeah, we know all about your cravings for a Big Mac. But seriously, the Arby’s logo is even worse when looked at for what it is — that long, tall “hat” with a wide brim at the bottom that looks like just like two… Yeah, you know…

McDonald's Logo: Would You Like That Super-sized?

Margaret Thatcher: 1925-2013

April 8th, 2013 at 5:01 pm by Mark
Tags: , , ,

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches.
— Margaret Thatcher

One thing is for certain: people either loved The Iron Lady, or they absolutely hated her, with almost no one in between. May she rest in Peace.

The problem with Socialism is that you eventually run out of other peoples' money. --- Margaret Thatcher

Get $20 of bonus stock when you make a deposit on Stash!

In a Bad Mood?

April 7th, 2013 at 5:21 pm by Mark
Tags: , , , ,

“A hundred times I was upon the point of killing myself; but still I loved life. This ridiculous foible is perhaps one of our most fatal characteristics; for is there anything more absurd than to wish to carry continually a burden which one can always throw down? to detest existence and yet to cling to one’s existence? in brief, to caress the serpent which devours us, till he has eaten our very heart?”

Voltaire, Candide Chapter 12

The truth is, no one can make you angry. It is a choice to be angry, to retaliate, to be vindictive towards another. And you can choose not to, so long as you’re willing to let go of your own disposition and prejudice. But until you make that step, there is no hope.

The most important decision you make is to be in a good mood. --- Voltaire