Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

How to Piss Off iPod Users

March 7th, 2013 at 5:22 pm by Mark
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Calling your band “Various Artists” in the MP3 era is right on par with calling your band “Free Beer” in the bar-band era: clever, yet ineffective.

"So that's great, you're in a band. What's it called?" "Oh, right now we're called Various Artists just to f@#$ over people with iPods."

A Rather Harsh Reality

March 6th, 2013 at 5:57 pm by Mark
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Sometimes women can be absolutely vicious with one another…

Honey Boo Boo's mother has a boyfriend and you're single. Just let that sink in.

Robinhood: Free Stocks for your Referrals!

Can’t We All Just Get Along?

March 5th, 2013 at 5:36 pm by Mark
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Not to channel Rodney King or anything, but sometimes, we just have to stop arguing, accept one another’s faults and proceed forward…

Is There Anything We Can All Agree On?  -0% Yes -100% No

An Out of This World High School?

March 4th, 2013 at 5:21 pm by Mark
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Parkland High School, in Allentown, PA, has the distinction of being able to do point-five past lightspeed, and make the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs.

Parkland High School, Allentown, PA: Millennium Falcon

Stock Photos

Ben Affleck Won an Oscar?

March 3rd, 2013 at 5:15 pm by Mark
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I didn’t watch the Oscars a couple of weeks ago, but I’m certain that no one in Hollywood will ever forget that fateful day, August 1st, 2003.

Afleck: "Does this mean that all is forgiven for "Gigli?"