Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Revenge from Beyond the Grave

March 9th, 2015 at 5:42 pm by Mark
Tags: , ,

It’s like sign in my store used to say: “Every customer brings joy to our store: Some as they enter, and others as they leave.”

malformalady: "Glass headstones"  causenotsymptom: "Image a graveyard full of these on a sunny day. It would be so beautiful." feline-ranger: "I would position mine so that every day when the sun was in the right position it would set fire to the roof of someone I hated, thus achieving revenge from beyond the grave every single day." didyoumissme-221b: "There are two kinds of people"

Zombie-Proof Graves?

March 8th, 2015 at 5:33 pm by Mark
Tags: , ,

Though this may be one way to avoid a horrible Zombie Apocalypse, I’m a larger fan of proactively tying together the shoe-laces of each and every dead body so that said Apocalypse will be absolutely hilarious.

Zombie-Proof Grave: Your Move, Zombies!

Robinhood: Free Stocks for your Referrals!

What Smells Better Than Bacon?

March 7th, 2015 at 5:49 pm by Mark
Tags: , , ,

One of the few things in the world that smells better than bacon

Yankee Candle: "Freshly Signed Divorce Papers"  The Flicking Candle Company

The Rock Driving Meme

March 6th, 2015 at 5:44 pm by Mark
Tags: , , , ,

Everyone knows the meme. Everyone forgets the scene is from Disney’s “Race to Witch Mountain.” This one mixed it up a bit…

The Rock Driving: "My wife is pregnant." Baby: "Who's the father?"  The Rock surprised. Baby, scared: "I mean, good job. Congrats!"

Get $20 of bonus stock when you make a deposit on Stash!

Yoda, Master of Puns

March 5th, 2015 at 5:58 pm by Mark
Tags: , ,

The Internet clearly leads to the dark side…

Yoda: "Why was Five afraid of Seven?  Because Six Seven Eight..."