Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnet™ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Math Is *NOT* Hard

February 21st, 2013 at 5:08 pm by Mark
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Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The countergirl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and three pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried.

Why do I tell you this?

Because it has to do with the evolution of teaching math since the 1950s…

  • Teaching Math In 1950s:

    A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.

    What is his profit ?

  • Teaching Math In 1960s:

    A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80.

    What is his profit?

  • Teaching Math In 1970s:

    A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80.

    Did he make a profit?

  • Teaching Math In 1980s:

    A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

  • Teaching Math In 1990s:

    A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20.. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes?

    (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it’s ok.)

  • Teaching Math In 2009:

    Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la producciones es $80.

    ¿Cuanto dinero ha hecho?

  • Teaching Math In 2010:

    Who cares, just steal the lumber from your rich neighbor’s property. He won’t have a gun to stop you, and the President says it’s OK, anyway, because it’s redistributing wealth.

If you can’t do math, you have no business working a cash register.

Math Problems?  Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]

Source: Unknown

Harrison Ford Confirmed to Appear in Star Wars Episode VII

February 20th, 2013 at 9:50 pm by Mark
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It’s hard to believe that Star Wars came out thirty-five years ago. In the next trilogy of Star Wars, slated for a 2015 release, Harrison Ford will revive the iconic role of Han Solo — and be 73 years old at its debut.

Harrison Ford - NoHarrison Ford

Robinhood: Free Stocks for your Referrals!

Obiwan Kenobi Arrested for Meth Possession

February 20th, 2013 at 5:36 pm by Mark
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I guess it’s tough trying to make ends meet as a Jedi these days…

"Obiwan Kenobi Accused of Meth Possession" RESTROSPECT: The sinking feeling that you probably should have waved your hand and said, "These are not the drugs you're looking for."

One Dollar Off with Photo of Dogg

February 19th, 2013 at 5:13 pm by Mark
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Make that Dog, with one G. Not “Dogg,” who’s so Gangsta he needs two G’s in his name. And no, he ain’t your “dawg.”

Dog Wall: Bring a photo of your Dog and get $1 Off.

Get $20 of bonus stock when you make a deposit on Stash!

Not Any Kids I Know, You Won’t!

February 18th, 2013 at 9:54 pm by Mark
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Why pay $12.95 when you can get an entire set of Ronco knives for only $9.99?

WE WILL CUT YOUR KIDS - ONLY $12.95