Note that today’s post is one of the few on the Internet which is not about Steve Jobs’ latest creation, the iPad.  Also note that we will not be making any lame jokes about the iPad Mini, the iPad Maxi or the iPad With Wings.  Also, also note that we will not be making any jokes about the Apple Marketing Department caressing their inner womanhood, ever so slightly at first in a circular motion, then harder while reversing the direction, becoming slightly faster as the heavy breathing begins, harder and faster in the opposite direction, gripping the sheets with the other hand while … wait …
     Sorry, I went off on a tangent.

     The truth is, we here at blogitude.com feel that testosterone-laden innuendo should never be mixed with feminine hygiene products, or the body parts that the aforementioned products are used on.  Especially not when it’s Steve Jobs… 
     Ack, another tangent… only that one did manage to make me throw up in my mouth a bit….

     Now, seriously, back on subject.  Testosterone and feminine products just don’t mix.  The results can be… well… something like this video…

     Now, I certainly hope you’ve all learned your lesson.

     This just in from The Onion News Network…

     I started reading The Onion about nine years ago while working in New Zealand.  There’s always been some pretty brilliant Tech spoof.  But one ardent reader noticed this gem, which carries a pretty serious language alert despite being about the funniest bit of satire I’ve ever seen The Onion put out:

     And an honorable mention….

     Do you have the sneaking suspicion that maybe The Onion spoofed something Apple was actually working on there?  I mean, it seems just ridiculous enough to be… real.  Of course, Apple Engineers never would have noticed the hole — err, whole — NSFW Goatse angle…

     I don’t know why, but over the past two years, the phrase, “Uhh, that’s gay,” has popped back into my vocabulary.  I think it’s probably because my former roomate’s gay daughter said, “Uhh, that’s gay,” every other sentence when she wasn’t screaming, “That f&*$ing c*%$!!!” about, if not at, some other female who she apparently detested to limitless degrees.

     But there are degrees of this “gayness.”  Some stuff is just gay.  Some stuff is really really gay.  Other stuff is f$*%ing gay.  Still others are really f$*%ing gay.  There was even, “Gay like Zacque’s house key.”  Then, of course, we had this…

     I’m sorry, but MacBooks suck.  Most of the people who work on them are friggin’ clueless morons.  This is why most MacBooks cannot be fixed.
     Of course, it also has to do with the fact that to replace a hard drive, you must completely and thoroughly disassemble the machine.  No panel-popping, ease-of-upgrade here — hell, no!  It takes a friggin’ degree in Chinese Engineering, no less than five types of screwdriver-type devices, several gin and tonics and unwavering faith in Christ to get the damn things apart.
     Upon finally getting the hard drive out, and looking at the carnage, I looked at Zacque.
     “Dude…”
     “Uhh, dude…”
     “That’s gay.”
     “F$*% Mac.”
     “Yeah… it’s gay…”
     (The Henny Youngman constituency in my head asked, “How gay is it?”)
     “…It’s gay like Mac.”

     For some time now, that has stood as the be-all, end-all of gayness.

     Gay like Mac.

     Gay like, “Think Different,” in a world where PC’s are easily fixed most of the time, where a simple screw covers a panel whereby a hard drive can be removed without the limitless drivel and lack of know-how of the “Mac Store.”  “Think Different,” where CEO Steve Jobs is such a brazen asshat that he can’t see the forest for the fruit.  “Think Different,” where common sense and logic go out the window with Jobs, because despite any manufacturer of PC’s being his actual competition, he vehemently spews vitriol and venom at his “perceived” competition, Microsoft’s Bill Gates.  “Think Different,” where your company is so lacking in sales — because you suck at running a business — that you go directly to the US Government and lobby for them to attack your competition due to “anti-competitive practices,” when it’s actually just a ruse for you to position yourself as an anti-competitive bastard.  “Think Different,” where you can charge upwards of $350 for a piece-of-shit phone that doesn’t work half the time, might catch on fire, and yet, you’re able to justify the cost and the problems because “Microsoft phones sucks!  They’re anti-competitive because they have a bigger market share!”
     Yep, “Think Different,” where the iPod is the most popular mp3 player, but the software cuts your PC off at the knees so you’re more inclined to buy a piece of shit MacBook.

     “Think Different,” because these days, Macs are more glitz than guts, being pretty much demoted to a seriously underperforming-yet-highly-polished Linux machine, without any error notifications to let you know your machine is actually really f$*%ed up.

     “Think Different.”  Think mindless sheep.  Think Asshat.

     The big use I had for the Mac was Photoshop, because it actually works and doesn’t suffer from the Memory Leaks and issues that it does on the PC (although, that’s Adobe’s fault, not Microsoft’s).  Well, okay, and Final Cut Pro, too (although, I’m more likely to go for a “real” video editor these days).  And this old-ass Hypercard game called “Asylum,” but OS/X won’t run it, and as of System 7.5.1, the damn game ran better under emulation on my PC.
     In essence, I like Macs overall, but I see them for what they are.  They’re a machine.  Apple is a big-business company.  Steve Jobs is such a pedantic tool that co-founder Steve Wozniak can’t even get along with him.  Apples other ventures are easily comparable to Sony, who put out too much high-priced shit and people buy it because of the name.

     Apple is not, however, the socio-political movement which it is touted by the large consensus its blind masses of users.  You know, the blind masses who are most always highly liberal, extremely pedantic, ridiculously argumentative and unable to face the fact that by buying into the hype and supporting it zealotously despite major snafus, they’ve become Steve Job’s bitches.

     That mentality… That’s the final level of Gay… so Gay it needs Special Rights.

This was just too good to not make a post about:

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