Dear Lord. Won’t it ever go away? What did we do to deserve more drama out of the Anna Nicole family?

Finally, Vergie Arthur *cringe* has quieted down. Finally, Howard K. Stern appears to have went in to relax mode. Nobody has tried to dig her up. There are no more wannabe daddies coming out of the woodwork. Seemed like the train wreck was just about cleaned up and we could all just go on with our lives……

Until 5 minutes ago.

Now it seems Anna’s freak step-sister, Donna Hogan, the author of the much acclaimed biography about Anna Nicole, Train Wreck, is gonna try to step into Anna’s life and live it. Chick is gonna get a new set of boobs and bleach her hair. She’s icky, and borderline scary.

Get this. She’s gonna get the new rack and go try to screw her way into Playboy… *cringe again*.

Wonder how long it’ll be before Howard K. moves in on her? At least she’s got the book profits… that dork doesn’t even have a job now.

For real, the last thing I want to hear on the news everyday is all the crazy shit this broad is gonna do to try and drum up some (apparently much needed) attention. Yup, I could live a thousand lives and be happy never to here any of this crap about Anna Nicole and her screwed up family/friends again.

On second thought, maybe I should start a cause….  Donations accepted for Diva’s boob job and other minor plastic surgeries in an effort to beat that freak skank to the punch.  We’ll call it the “Make Diva Famous Fund”.

Mark, you’re in charge of passin the collection plate, pal!

While this guy isn’t specifically saying that God Hates, this is the sort of asshat the pisses me off. This guy and the others that infest public events, spouting that God Hates Fags, liberals, republicans, muslims, all pique my ire.

Assuming for a moment that God is real and not some made up fiction used to perpetuate wars and get rich, how can anyone with bad penmanship and poor social skills claim to know the mind of God? Are they really so enlightened to understand their god so well that they can vouch for his complete and utter hatred of a given group of people?

So for all you people who think god hates people, GOD HATES YOU TOO!

I am an office manager for an small biomedical company in Oak Ridge, Tennessee.  We are not a million dollar baby.  We are not listed as one of the top companies in the Fortune 500.  We are of no consequence to anyone, really.   That is, anyone but those damn telemarketers, who seem to call more than our customers do.  Until the past two days, the last statement was strictly a sarcastic theory.

I have made it my goal in life to give every telemarketer that calls our office so much shit, that they will beg the powers that be to take our multiple phone numbers off of the automated speedy dialer set up they utilize.

I have found out that the low level asshat that initiates this variety of phone call is generally a mega wuss.  Scary Diva puts fear in them and they automatically put me through to a supervisor.  Which is fine by me, that’s who I’d prefer to bitch at anyway.

The typical call is as follows:

Asshat:  Hello, ma’am.  I am calling today on behalf of BellSouth.

Me: You’re calling on behalf of BellSouth?  Are you BellSouth or some poor schmuck hired by BellSouth to take this ass whipping?

Asshat:  We are contracted by BellSouth to contact existing customers with this exciting..

Me:  Let me guess, an exciting new plan?

Asshat:  Yes, ma’am.   We are…

Me:   Stop right there.  What is the name of your company?

Asshat:  (will name off whatever company of the day is)

Me:  And what is your name, please?

Asshat:  I can not disclose my name.

Me:  You can’t disclose your name?  Where is your supervisor?

Asshat:  I don’t understand, ma’am.

Me:  Your supervisor,  your boss.  Please put them on the phone.

Asshat:  One moment.

Asshat supervisor: I understand there is a problem here?

Me:  You could call it that.   When I get more calls a day from people like you bogging down my phone lines than I do from my customers, that is a major problem for me.

Assshat supervisor:  Let me explain why…

Me:  No!  Let me explain to you.  What is YOUR name.  I have your company name.

Asshat supervisor:  (rambles off a name)

Me:  Okay.  Now, I would like this to be recorded.  Am I being recorded for quality and training purposes, pal?

Asshat supervisor:  Yes, ma’am.

Me:  Then understand this.  I am keeping your name, the name of your company, the time and date that I spoke with you.  I would like you to remove our phone numbers from your database.  I would like to cease communication from your company.  Do you understand?

Asshat supervisor:  Yes.  We will remove you immediately.

Me:  Great.  Because we report companies that do not remove us from their call lists/databases after we request it.  I now have everything I need to report your company to the FCC for furthering communications after being asked to stop.

So, the story goes.  Of course, the FCC doesn’t do shit for a body.  You call, register a complaint, and nothing happens. But, it sure is alot of fun to harass the shit out of someone who’s job it is to harass the shit out of me.

The top of my “I HATE THESE GUYS” list is Bell South, followed ever so closely by Birch Telecom.

I also despise all of these shipping companies who try to out screw each other for the tidbit of business they might be able to get.  Of which, my response is always,  “If I’m gonna get screwed by a freight company, I’m sticking with UPS because our driver is freakin hot.  But thank you for calling and trying to win my business!  If you’d like to send some hot drivers over here for inspection, I might consider giving you my business, but I warn you.  Our UPS guy will be hard to beat.”

Have a great dessert day, pal.

     Texas Congressman Ron Paul made a really stupid comment during the GOP debate tonight.

They attack us because we’ve been over there. We’ve been bombing Iraq for 10 years. We’ve been in the Middle East.

     Mate, have you looked at a calendar lately?  You do realize it’s 2007, right?  And, that, uh, 9/11 wasn’t the first time they’d tried to bomb the World Trade Center?
     Oh … and that guy, next to you there?  He was the Mayor of New York when that crap went down…

     Seriously, when you manage piss off Rudy Giuliani, who’s pretty well known for keeping an even keel, you should know you’ve done something pretty damn stupid:

As someone who lived through the attack of September 11 — that we invited the attack because we were attacking Iraq — I don’t think I’ve ever heard that before, and I’ve heard some pretty absurd explanations for September 11th…

     You made a gigantic ass of yourself on national television.  You also managed to bolster a great deal of support for your opponent.  So Ron, put your Asshat of the Day award on your mantle.  You deserve it!

     A dishonorable mention, of course, goes to second-time weiner, Fred Phelps, of the Westboro Baptist Church.  I won’t link to his “God Hates America” website, but I will, at the very least, copy the text of today’s “special message” from the Moron Majority:

WBC will preach at the memorial service of the corpulent false prophet Jerry Falwell, who spent his entire life prophesying lies and false doctrines like “God loves everyone”.  

There is little doubt that Falwell split Hell wide open the instant he died.  The evidence is compelling, overwhelming, and irrefragable.  To wit:

1.  Falwell was a true Calvinistic Baptist when he was a young preacher in Springfield, Missouri, and sold his soul to Free-Willism (Arminianism) for lucre.

2.  Falwell bitterly and viciously attacked WBC because of WBC’s faithful Bible preaching — thereby committing the unpardonable sin — otherwise known as the sin against the Holy Ghost.

3.  Falwell warmly praised Christ-rejecting Jews, pedophile-condoning Catholics, money-grubbing compromisers, practicing fags like Mel White, and backsliders like Billy Graham and Robert Schuler, etc.  All for lucre — making him guilty of their sins.

Falwell is in Hell, Praise God!

     Well, Fred, you wouldda gotten the award this time.  But, you’re a loser.

     Of course, that’s no news, now is it?  😉

I was sitting here reading the paper.  Yes, the actual thing, news print on paper that was at one point not post-mortem.  Hmm…  That I believe is a very good description for the newspapers of today.  They’ve softened up just like the rest of the media.  They are slowly becoming pussified, one story at a time.

Well for years, we’ve known the newspaper in Maryville, TN isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.  More importantly, it wasn’t worth the thirty-five cents it once cost to buy it.  The Daily Times remains too biased and never important news.  I suppose it will be forever cursed with the fact that Maryville and Alcoa are small towns.  For the most part, it is similar to the Knoxville News Sentinel, syndication of larger papers or the Associated Press.  Leaving no room really, for what happens down the road or in your own back yard (OMG, since that is what a newspaper is supposed to do.)

The final straw that made me decide that this pussification is now far too widespread happened when I read this post about the Oakland Tribune. 

This paper is moving to start a revolution.  Trying to start a protest for Pete’s sake, all because their civil liberties are being taken away.  This by the way is exactly what they asked for.  George Carlin tried you warn, “you people” about that years ago.  The government, in order to give you the illusion of safety will no doubt, sacrifice a little of your freedom to make you feel safe.

So by all means, send in books that will really change things…  It will send a message…  That all the people involved are major asshats.  I mean do these people think that anyone on Capitol Hill besides maybe Nancy Pelosi is going give a rat’s rear-end?  Much less, would they take the time to read George Orwell’s 1984 again?

The only thing decent out of the whole argument is to try to change the Patriot Act.  It isn’t terrible though, besides the fact, it takes away a few more liberties that I like.  However, one small amendment would be nice…  Give us our copyrights back.  Most places don’t care if it was taken on base or not.  I for one would like any images I record of military items and/or personnel to be mine.  All though I know that this stipulation is already made, there is a complete and total lack of enforcement.  Oh well, I guess that is the problem with many laws… a lack of enforcement (isn’t there a law in place about people with stupid ideas and motivation to start protests which make no since and limiting thier breeding habits?  If they are into limiting civil liberties why not add that?)

This has been Zacque Hitchcock for the Critic’s Corner.