ON DEMAND!!!!   Yes!

 Every so often I get bored and turn on the boob-tube.  As usual, I am sorely disappointed that I pay SATAN (Comcast blog) a hundred bucks or so a month for 197 channels on which there is not a damn thing to watch.

However, there is a slight redeeming quality to my personal hate of beelzebub.  On-Demand!  Yay!

Now where else will one find such an unlimited supply of good stuff?

My joy stems from the fact that I found TubeTime, and this isn’t the first time I’ve experienced such utter happiness.

Today, I found *sniffle, tear* Fantasy Island, my friends!  How could I possibly  resist?  

Well, what other show can take viewers into the past, into the future, into kinky love affairs? 

But wait! That’s not all, folks!  Your host for the journey is a sexy dude, with orange skin, a white leisure suit, and a midget!

Some freaky crap went on there on Fantasy Island…  Scary, sometime criminal things.  You know how warped folks can be when they are fantasizing. Anyhoo, Mr. Rork, lets these demented people have their freaky fantasy (generally with ill results waiting in the wings), only to step in at the last second and save the day!

At the end of the day, all visitors get a lei and fly off on ZEEEplane. 

Wow.  On-Demand!  You’re my hero.

1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.

 I hate that there are some people in this life that take everything that happens to them seriously.  I guess you’d call them drama queens/kings.   These are the people that must have everything revolve around them.  These are the people who keep the shit stirred.  And if they don’t have their own shit stirring, they go and stir some for someone else… just to keep something going at all times. 

People like this need to be bitch-slapped.  Real problems are drama.  Not the fact that your lay of the day, whom you’ve found on an internet dating site, is seeing no less than 4 other people at the same time as you.  This is not drama.  This is poor judgement.

Real life drama is loosing a child.  Real life drama is wondering how you’re gonna pay the rent.  Real life drama is your car breaking down and having no money to fix it. Visit Your URL lendplex.co.uk for more details.

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.

Paris Hilton.  I know it seems like I’m obsessing over her lately.  Maybe I am because I’m bored and have no real life of my own.  Regardless of that, the skank is totally a fake.  Just because she’s locked up in a cage, she’s claiming to have found Jesus.  She told Babs Walters that she’s been reading the Bible and other and a sorted variety of other religion-inspired books. 

First, I’m not so sure that after only 4 days in jail that the girl had time to read AND ABSORB enough information out of the inspired books.  Look, it takes biblical scholars years and years of reading and studying to make heads and/or tails of the Bible.  And she wants to convince all of us common folk that she’s really getting into it and learning something. 

B- Anybody who watches E! News (or Fox or CNN for that matter) has heard about the humongus “Paris is getting out of jail” bash that’s being planned.  Do you think that she’s gonna read enough about Jesus and righteous living that she’s not gonna turn up a bottle and get ripped?   Me either. 

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.

I’m extremely unhappy that I went outside on a scorching hot Sunday afternoon to wash my car.  I did a bang up job too.  I even cleaned the wheels with that crap that can eat the skin off of your hands.   It looked super great!

I went in the house to get a glass of ice water.  When I came back outside 10 minutes later a bird had already shit on the trunk.

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.

I give my kids credit today.  After all that he put them through while they were growing up, they still try to treat their dad with some sort of love and respect.

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.

I am coming out of “sloth” mode and getting motivated to do something and be somebody again.  Which actually feels really, really good.

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.

I think I’ll wish for sex this week.  Sex and days off from work.  Sex, days off from work and a new car.  Sex, days off from work, a new car and to win the lottery or some lucky moves at https://www.casinoarbi.com/. 

Sex, days off from work, a new car, to win the lottery, and lots of beer.  Yah, that would make today alot of fun.  Sex, on my extra day off, in my new car that I got with my winnings from the lottery which was sponsered by a beer company. Get the car of your dreams, get the best refinance car bad credit and get the car you deserve!

Yah, that’s it.

Now it’s your turn.

You can take part in The Monday Melee, even make it a regular feature at your site by visiting The Monday Melee page and following the steps. Kick-start your brain on Mondays and meet other bloggers.

My household is short one member this morning.  My daughter is super sad. 

I woke up around 1-ish this morning and the livingroom lights were on.  I rounded the corner to find my child, her boyfriend and my new son sitting around looking extremely sad.

My first instinct was to be pissy because the boyfriend was still here.  Then I figured by the solemn expression on each face that something indeed was troubling them.

(taking a diaper the grandson break…. DEAR LORD the smell)

The next thing I noticed was the lizard’s habitat was not in the girl’s bedroom, but in the livingroom with the depressed looking children.  I was told the lizard was passing into the next life.  Immediately, I was transported into late night depression too.

FLASHBACK:  “Mom, we’re goin out to catch lightnin bugs,” my daughter said.

They came in and went to the bedroom, where the lizard habitat is housed, lightning bug contraption in tow.  Out of the bedroom I hear them giggle as the lizard must have been performing tricks to get the treat.

Lizards eat bugs, that’s nature.  So, they figured since it would jump across its home to get a cricket, it would jump in the air to get a flying critter. 

They finish feeding it 3 of the luminescent delicacies. And put in a movie.  That’s when I went off to bed.

BACK TO THE NOW:  So, whilst Diva slept, the lizard was becoming very ill.  By the time I woke up, it was too late.  They had looked it up on teh internets.  Fireflies are TOXIC and not to be ingested by any other living creature. 

We will be burying Joey today.  Out back.  Next to the rat that didn’t make it through baby rat birth.

I suppose in order to ease her sadness, I’ll wait a day or two and go get her another reptilian playmate.  We’ll try a snake this time I think.

Okay, when I started blogging, I swore to myself and everything that is held Holy, not to say one word about Paris Hilton. I always felt that she was just not worthy of my attention, as she is a complete and utter attention whore to begin with… why humor her.

But, the courtroom activities of the day have made me realize the err of my ways. She is worthy of being a SKANK OF THE DAY.

Seriously. Let’s say Diva was to go out, do a line or ten, go racing off into the sunset in her pretty little chick-mobile doing 100+ miles an hour. Let’s say the PO-PO blue lighted Diva, found her to be under the influence, arrested her, made her go to court, suspended her license to operate even the simplest motor vehicle.

Do you think Diva would have learned her lesson? The answer is yes. Diva does not desire to spend her days locked up in an icky cell with hardened women criminals that say and do scary things to Diva-like creatures.

But the fact that she was stupid enough to get caught is not why she is the SKANK OF THE DAY. No. On the contrary, she made this list because she was stupid enough to get caught a couple more times driving on said suspended license.

Hello?!?! I know you are filthy freakin rich, and most everybody does most everything for you, but, DUH! Are you STUPID enough to believe that you can get away with the same offense multiple times?? Hire a driver, dumbass! Party your ass off all the time!

In all honesty, I don’t think jail time was warranted. It’s not like she was out there drunker than a skunk. No. She was simply tooling around L.A. like the big Paris dawg she is. You know… shopping, Starbucks… those fruitless tasks that she must endure on a daily basis. Ooops!!!

The city of Los Angeles would have been much better off fining the shit out of her every time she blows it. She is worth ga-gillions. Why not take her for a little more each time she gets out and acts like an ass? Why not have someone watching her for fine-able offenses. The City of Los Angeles would have the money to get police support in Watts where they really need it.

But, they did sentence her. And I went all shades of red when I heard they had released her to house arrest. Why? Mental problems with being in a confined, damp, loud, open place? Not able to eat gourmet? Burritos not good enough for her? Was it not enough that she had her sentence reduced and was only going to have to be there for a minute and a half anyway? Honestly, I’m shocked she made it 10 hours before she flipped completely out.

So, this judge decided that she’s an idiot and now our girl Paris is not only doing her sentence, but she’s doing the whole 45 days. Ooops. Off ya go, lass. Screaming and crying isn’t going to do anything for ya now. Off ya go, with those nice deputies over there. I swear… Drama, drama, drama.

Anyway, let us take a moment to run down the list of why Paris Hilton is a MAJOR LEAGUE SKANK:

1. She has that same stupid pose on the red carpet all the time. Head down-tits and ass pushed out. Well, except that time when she crashed on the motorcycle on the red carpet… I must laugh now, excuse me *ROFLMAO*

Sorry, I’m better now.

2. In and out, in and out, in and out of jail. Now do they let anybody else in and out of jail? Why hell no. Mommy’s money just wasn’t good enough this time.

3. The whole being “best friends with Britney” fiasco. Come on now. Britney was semi-skanky, but Paris managed to drag Britney into BIGTIME SKANKDOM. Hello!?!?! Undergarments… look into them.

**Note. What do you wanna bet she wears her panties for the next 45 days.

4. Even Diva is smart enough not to let any questionable materials out in the open. Hello!?!?! Ever heard of a locked, fire-proof box? Keep your junk in the trunk, sister.

Ok, I feel like I am getting a little bit catty here. And I could go on for miles about why I think Paris Hilton deserves the honor of Skank of the Day, but why?

Am I making me feel any better about being me? No, I rock and I don’t need affirmation anyway. Unlike Paris, I’m the bomb even though I’m not build like Barbie and worth my family’s millions.

In closing a few words to Paris:

They’ll give you blankets if you’re cold. Alot of folks survive college on frozen burritos. You won’t starve. It ain’t the Beverly Hilton (pardon the pun), it’s jail. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

Not only do I feel good about giving kudos to those in our society that are, in my opinion anyway, hot as a Louisiana Swamp in mid-July, but I also notice the stupid stuff the some folks tend to do. These people will be referred to as SKANKS from here on.

In yet another vain attempt to toast the new summer season in, let us discuss a new and exciting skank who delights in her skankiness, acts completely brainless, and depends on her off the wall antics every day to get her somewhere in life or at least keep the full realm of attention right on her. So… onward and upward

Before Britney’s lack of panties… Before Paris and her sad XXX movie debut… Before the Anna Nicole circus…

Before any of the fore mentioned super skanks, we had a super skank that raised the bar for skanks today. Who might we be talking about? Amy Fisher, the Long Island Lolita, of course.

Sure, the skanks of today are, for the most part completely vulgar and lacking good taste and judgement. But, they don’t go around shooting their lover’s wife in the head.

Yes, I must now move Amy Fisher into the Skank of the Day slot. Why Amy Fisher?

First, you must be a skank of phenomenal proportions to have all three major networks do a docudrama on your messed up existence.

Well, it seems that she and Joey Butt-a-fuoco are planning to move in together and pick up where they left off before Amy was sent off to prison. Joey has went through another wife, Evanka, who he is fooling around on. Damn that Amy “the homewrecker” Fisher!

Apparently, Evanka has vowed to keep her man no matter what.

Can’t wait to see the drama that comes out of the sequel. Even if it’s all a big pre-empted publicity stunt to get people interested in their planned reality show.

Jeez… I can’t even remember which one was the skank… Joey and Amy…

YOU GO KIDS!