DUNMORE, PA (Via the Web) — On Sunday, March 20th, 2011, Dunmore Police patrolmen Baumann and Cali attended a single vehicle crash on the North Avenue off-ramp of the McDade Expressway.  27-year-old Scranton resident Karin Mackaliunas told police that her coffee cup had rolled under her seat, and she had crashed into the guard rail.

As a tow-truck pulled her car away from the guard rail, a friend of Mackaliunas showed up to give her a ride.  All was fine, until patrolman Cali further investigated an earlier report of theft of linens and a room key from the Dunmore Inn.  He called the cell phone number provided by the motel clerk, and who should answer but Patrolwoman Baumann — holding Mackaliunas’ phone.

The vicious crime of sheet-stealing notwithstanding, Baumann immediately took Mackaliunas into custody.  A routine frisk revealed three bags of heroin in the suspect’s jacket pocket.

Back at police headquarters, a struggle during her search ended with Mackaliunas being taken to the Dunmore Community Medical Center by another officer.  Armed with rapelling gear, a couple of tactical flashlights, several two-by-fours and a small crane, doctors performed an invasive body cavity search. Fifty-four additional bags of heroin, thirty-one empty bags used to package heroin, and eight and a half generic Xanax pills were recovered from Mackaliunas’ vagina, along with $51.22 in cash and loose change.

Mackaliunas, who works part time as a Wishing Well Fountain at the Scranton Mall, was visibily shaken by the ordeal.  While she admits to carrying three bags of heroin in her jacket pocket, as well as an undisclosed number in her underwear, she insists that police planted the evidence. “They’ve done me dirty here,” she said.

Ms. Mackaliunas’ vagina, on the other hand, tells quite a different story, insisting that there were, in fact, eighty-five bags of heroin, and that police stole thirty-one, along with 1.5 generic Xanax’s and additional loose change in the amount of $39.62.

Mackaliunas’ anus concurred, and added, “I’m only glad that they didn’t search me and find the crowbar, two cartons of Misty Light 100’s, two sets of Queen sheets and a motel room key.”

Meanwhile, Dunmore PD’s Internal Affairs division are looking into the claims of evidence theft.  When asked why, the unnamed investigator replied, “Because something definitely smells fishy about this heroin.”

Sources: This article and this article from the Scranton Times-Tribune.

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     Now, I don’t smoke weed, and this isn’t against our Military personnel…

     But this t-shirt right here I found funny as Hell…

     (Ooh, I’m a poet, and didn’t know it)

     The fact that the image is 420×420 is purely coincidental.

     So’s the fact that’s about 4:20 right now…

     Seriously, I don’t smoke weed.

     I’m allergic.

     Bad.

     Just buy the damn shirt, already.

Image Copyright © 2008 T-Shirt Hell

This is a spin-off of an old e-mail that recently made its way back in my direction.

 Many people in this country have a job.  They receive payment for the work they do.  Then the government steps in a collects a portion of the proceeds they receive.  The government distributes this payment as they see fit.

 In order to get this paycheck, they submit a random urine test to their respective employer.  This is should not be an issue for any law abiding citizen.

 In reality what any citizen of this country should be concerned about are the people who receive a welfare check.  Welfare recipients do not have to pass a random urine test.  Since our government is supposed to be a system of checks and balances, why is there room for this discrepancy?  

 For the most part, United States citizens are quite giving with their money and don’t have a problem doing their part.  It should be no problem for the populous to help a few people back on their feet.

 On the other hand, there is a problem with the people that receive this money who choose to sit around, be unproductive and/or use drugs. There are several ways to fight drug addiction, visit this article Michigan Finds Fentanyl Involved In Over Half Of Major County’s Accidental Overdose Deaths and learn more!   If they have enough money to indulge in these activities, they do not need any monetary assistance.

 The only thing not covered, is who pays for the testing?   Why not have it applied against the balance of the money the recipients of the welfare system receive.  Surely they shouldn’t mind since they are on the receiving end of the bread line anyway.

 Just think, with that money saved maybe we could funnel it into education.  Maybe we could balance the budget?  Who knows?  The possibilities are endless, and perhaps you could employ the people who failed to administer the testing.  Then they wouldn’t have a need for the assistance in the first place.

 The truth be told, this system is outdated.  It was a necessary evil at the time when it was enacted; however legislation is subject to change in order to fit the demands of the present day.  Something needs to be done.  It is only a matter of time till we will make a stand and take action.  Why not make it happen today.

This nifty little project involves you and/or your buddies and a sleepless weekend.  On the Friday, you’re the basics: character, prop, a line of dialogue, and then a genre in for your film.  Within the next 48 hours you movie must be complete and then will be shown in a week at a local theater.

The closest this project has come to home was Nashville, Tn.  The outcome of the project will be shown at the Belcourt Theatre. So without further ado, here is a trailer of the film Cock.  A tale of drugs, cops, money, sex and lots of laughs along the way.