Now, it’s not that I ever wanna get married again, or that I think I’ll develop a desire for dessert, since I’ve never really had one… but, ummm…

     Forget edible underwear … SugarVeil^® Confectionery Products has certainly come out with a sweet twist on candy-coating.  Their patented icing does present some most pleasurable, if not palatable, possibilities…
     Would you believe that this wedding dress is made completely of cake icing?

     I can’t help but imagine the epicurean escapades that might follow…

In the last hundred years, Americans have become conditioned to radical, life-changing technology affecting their every-day lives.

Even between 1907 and 1917, things changed dramatically with the mass proliferation of indoor toilets, home electricity, automobiles and factory automation.  The 1920’s and 30’s brought us the golden age of Radio, talking movies, and a never-ending desire for coal heating.  The 1940’s and 50’s brought us hope for the future as first computers were constructed, and telephones and televisions became commonplace.  The 1960’s and 70’s brought us solid-state electronics, the beginnings of the Internet, commercial aviation, automated telephone switching, mobiles telephones and color televisions.  The 1980’s built on much of the technology of the 60’s and 70’s with enhanced miniaturization of large circuits and modular designs, along with the official opening of the Internet.  The 1990’s brought us widespread proliferation of the Internet, digital cameras, widespread proliferation of mobile telephones, faster everything….

….and an almost total reliance on Computers.

In this decade, computers are such a normal part of life that businesses would completely cease to function without a few.  Absolutely everyone is only a phone call away.  We can get across the country in a few hours, and around the world in just over a day (just counting the flight time, mind you).  In this decade, the world can sometimes seem very small.
These days, “technical support” is often little more than a hand-holding exercise.  Gone are the days when people would complain about their cup-holder being broken (the CD Drive, now replaced with newer, even faster inventions), or screaming because the box included a “mouse” — even grandmothers, or even great-grandmothers, now know that it’s not a foot pedal.  People call and talk about their work computer as if they own it personally — “My computer is messed up” — and actually understand the question, “What does the error message say?”

But having lived through this period of Computer proliferation, I’ve definitely seen my share of people unwilling, even unable, to accept new technology for what it is.

I can only imagine what life was like at the beginning the Renaissance period… but if they had a Helpdesk, it would certainly have looked like this…

Tip: Life of Red

But thanks to these developments, even those who are so-called technologically challenged can still grow and prosper in business. Agencies like Triple Media Agent SEO and similar companies offer full support for brands to thrive on the Internet and stay competitive. So, with that, I know my business can survive.

Once in while (wink, wink) I’ll hear, see or read something that just gets my panties all in a wad.

I have several ‘sore subjects’, but the one that makes gets my dander up more than anything is the fat people of the world looking for something to blame it on. PLEASE.

As one who has struggled for just shy of one year to lose damn near 70 pounds, I can tell ya this:

• No, fat is not genetic
• No, you don’t have big bones
• No, you can’t lose weight by starving yourself or taking pills.

Fat people are fat because they have not made the decision to motivate and get moving.

There is no miracle pill that you can take to make fat melt. There is no miracle cream that you can rub on your thighs and make them magically disappear into thin air.

Short of surgery, which is an extremely ill idea to begin with, there is only one answer to the timeless question asked of the rolly-polly types: I wonder how I can lose this weight?

Here’s a few pointers (from the master, herself):

1. Step away from the donut. The donut is evil. The donut will find it’s way down your throat and into your guts, where it will then be disbursed and particles of that donut will live in your hips and double chin forever. Other foods that should be in diet hell are: snicker bars, cheesecake, lasagna, loaded potato soup, all mexican food.
2. Taco Bell has always been my weakness. However, one day whilst in a bored situation, I was reading what actually goes into some fast food food. EEEWWWWW.If the fact that most fast food is swimming in grease, lard, oil or someother non-digestable mess isn’t enough to keep you out of the french fries, then go one night around 10 and watch the fry guy at McDonald’s empty that big vat of yack that they fry everything in. MMMMMM, MMMMM, Good, I tell ya. Makes me wanna spew.
3. Starvation. Um, if you don’t give your body something healthy to eat, it’s wired up to know that your dumb ass is trying to starve it. Ask me, what’s my body gonna do if I don’t eat??? Your body is gonna hold on to every single nasty, blobby little molecule of cellulose that it can. You will not lose anything if you starve because your body will be freaking out thinking it’s never going to get to eat again, so it holds onto what it already has. One must eat to lose weight. Funny huh?
4. Get your fat ass on a treadmill!! My fat ass started out doing 15 minutes at 1.5 miles an hour on the treadmill. And amazingly, what those dang nutritionists and exercise therapists have been saying all along was true. YOU GOTTA DO BOTH DIET AND EXERCISE, trust me, there is a reason why I started looking for a MMA Near Me, you have to move!!!!You can’t sit around and be a slug. Get off your butt and walk around a little amigo. Your body will thank you for it.

So, I guess the bottom line is, you’re only fat if you choose to be fat. I’m a sport, I can admit it, I’m still a little fluffy around certain sections. But I’ve learned that I can’t blame anyone but me for letting me get out of control. I was a scale tipper, and its a battle everyday.

This is why it chaps my ass to hear all this bull-caca about fat being genetic and fat being a disease…

I stand here today, calling BULLshit, DEFCON 5!

Of course, I’m a creature of habit. I’m a total news nerd. I have all of my particular news shows I just have to have on.

Well, since next year is poor George’s last year as the Most Powerful Man in the Universe, we are all going to be barraged with an endless swollen river of mudslinging, dirt digging commercials. We are going to hear all of the dirty little secrets that each and every one of the presidential hopefuls have kept hidden in their closet collecting dust and cobwebs.

Who knows what will come out? Who cares, right? I’m thinking it’s pretty obvious that the political powerhouse called Clinton has already had their dirty laundry dumped out in the middle of the livingroom and inspected right down to the lipstick on ol’ Bill’s fly.

I’ve already made decision for the next Most Powerful Man in the Universe competition.

However, my choice does not have a penis. So, if Hillary gets the prize cow in ’08, she will be the Most Powerful WOMAN in the Universe. Go Hill!!

I have several reasons why I’m digging the fact that she’s in the running for ruler of the universe. Let’s discuss, shall we?

First, Hillary is all about the rights of EVERYBODY, not just the ones with gold lined pockets. She’s spent her adult life going to bat for folks who couldn’t kick some ass on their own. Abused women, neglected and disadvantaged children, victims of 9/11. Everybody.

Second, since she has no way to pull the boys back from hell yet, she’s kickin ass and taking names when it comes to post-war issues that they have when they come home. Some mental, some physical. She’s pushing for a method of identifying traumatic brain injury and other serious issues. She’s highly annoyed that vets are coming home all jacked up and nobody in the current administration could give two flips about what they are going through and how piss-poor their medical care is. Case in point, VA hospitals suck. (Visit the New York personal injury law firm to know how you can claim your insurance rights arising out of road mishaps).

C, she’s looking to protect our borders. No, not just Mexico, amigo. But coming in from Canada, too. (You never know what might happen if a stir-crazed canuck gets across the border, eh.) In all seriousness, something needs to be done to prevent illegal immigration before it happens, not after. I mean, if your beef is the crime rate among illegal aliens once they are over here working, then keep the borders locked down and make it hard as hell to slip through. Then, my friend, you’ll reduce the alien crime wave before it begins.

I have a plethora of reasons why I figure Hillary ought to get a shot at MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE, but the most important and the most significant is this:

Who out there can say that Fast Willie wouldn’t make a kick-ass first lady??? Go Bill, go Bill, it’s ya birthday…

Think about it for a minute.

Good morning, America always has the favorite recipes of the First Lady around any major holiday. Wouldn’t it be cool to see Bill in an apron, chatting with Diane Sawyer, whilst beating the sugar, vanilla and butter on medium, which is the key to his perfectly fluffy and light homemade LemonChess Pie? Priceless.

Wouldn’t he make a cool “unofficial hostess” of the White House? Oh yeah. Just what exactly would that exuberant title necessitate? Let’s examine, one by one.

• Decorating of the White House. Can’t ya see? Leather sofas. Whiskey barrel end tables with sexy little ashtrays for his poker buds. La-Z-Boy recliners for all, including the media types.Big screen TVs in every nook and cranny so as not to miss any of the big games.
• Coordination of the Easter Egg Hunt. Billy boy in the bunny suit. All for the enchantment of the children. Hop hop hopping along, helping the tykes fill their baskets to the brim with brightly colored eggs he stayed up all night coloring by himself with a sweet little intern and put them on some of those great hand made basket you get online, since these work great for this purpose.
• Hosting of receptions at the executive residence. We like it. Can you imagine how these formal functions will magically transform at midnight into ultimate ragers? Poof, the easy listening, string concerto will morph into some spiffy jazz band that Willie can blow his horn to.

I just think Slick Willie is pretty hot for an older guy. He’s a playboy who’s been caught (oooops), and he’s still loved. I’d love to see him being the Host with the Most in ’08.

With the whole Anna Nicole debacle of late, I find myself wondering why some people do the things that they do which in turn result in an untimely death of said person.

And with all of my deep thoughts of whys and hows, and with trying to come up with some super interesting reason, I’ve decided it’s simply a case of natural selection. Let’s take un momento to analyze how I have come to this conclusion.

Example 1 – The jack ass from Iraq who mailed a letter bomb, which was returned to him for insufficient postage.

 The bomb blew, he’s dead. Why? Natural selection. Somebody stupid enough to be mailing letter bombs in the first place should get blown up by some means. The fact that it was by his own bomb makes it epic.

Example 2- The rocket scientist who decided to ride a jet-ski off of Niagara Falls, hit the home-made rocket to shoot him over the past the falls, and get picked up upon landing.

 Duh. What kind of dork puts a plan like that into motion? I seriously wonder what the last thing he thought was…. “Oh shit, Batman, this ain’t gonna work!?!?!”

Hello, natural selection. Somebody stupid enough to go over Niagara Falls in the first place hasn’t go enough common sense to walk and chew at the same time… Natural selection.

Luckily, this guy didn’t have time to procreate any off-spring as he was too busy making dud rockets.

Example 3 – Although the number of car crashes with trains has decreased since 1976, approximately 500 people per year still try and outrun them.

In the not so distant past, most of the railroad crossings here in the United States didn’t have any kind of warning system in place to warn motorists that a train was coming. As if looking to your left and seeing that 118 tons (give or take) of steel, bolts, nuts, and steam barreling down the tracks isn’t enough to tell you a train is coming…

So, local governments nationwide began putting up railroad crossing signals. You know, you’ve seen them… the flashing red lights on either side of the road, the huge bar that drops down blocking an idiot motorist from getting to close to the tracks, the loud bells that scream “dang, dang, dang”… right. So, these precautions are in place for what reason?

Anybody?

They are in place for people who are too blind, or too careless to see that 118 tons of death on a track is coming right at them at possibly 50 MPH.

However, the epitome of stupidity is the motorist who is just so sure he/she can make it around that huge arm barrier to the other side of the track before that 118 tons of death on a track gets to them. Ooops, doesn’t work out quite so well every time. One occurrence in Silicone Valley, CA, shows us that regardless of all the bells and whistles in place, some people are just too ignorant to realize they can be smited from this Earth. Natural selection? I think so.
I suppose I would hate to do something really stupid that resulted in death. Seriously. If you don’t want to die of a deadly cocktail of drugs, hello… don’t do the cocktail of drugs.

If you don’t want to die by hitting the water/rocks at 100 MPH, don’t jump, rocket, jetski, boat, or swim over Niagara or any other falls.

If you don’t want to go down in your family history as the moron who tried to beat up the train, don’t try to out run the train…

Pretty simple, kids.