A drunken New Zealander came home after a binge carrying a sheep under his arm. He walked into the bedroom where his wife stared at him from the bed. “Sweetheart, this is the pig I’ve been sleeping with every night,” he announced.

Staring at him disgust, the wife yelled, “That’s a sheep, not a pig, you drunken fool!”

“I was talking to the sheep,” he replied dryly.

Sometimes, no matter how many commands you obey or hoops you jump through, it’s simply not gonna work.

I’m fairly certain they won’t offer an All-You-Can-Eat buffet…

It’s always good to have career ambitions.

The least he could do is eat it. The best he could do is finish.