At 12:01AM Tuesday, November 10th, 2009, Infinity Ward’s much lauded video game, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, was released with much fanfare. Retailers such as Gamestop, Walmart and Target have reported record post-midnight sales, with regular sales expected to increase throughout the Holiday season.
     White House economic analysts are baffled at the sudden, unexpected increase in consumer spending, however, the Obama camp is taking credit for the situation nonetheless.

     When President Obama was interrupted during this morning’s back-door meeting with other White House smokers, he was asked how a Video Game manufacturer has managed to stimulate the economy moreso than any amount of Presidential tactics used since his election.
     An obviously perplexed Obama replied, “Umm…”

     Despite this unexpected economic upturn, the Federal rate of umemployment is expected to increase sharply during the next few weeks, especially in males between the ages of 35 and 45 who own an Xbox 360.

     We will attempt to keep you informed of more important economic updates here at blogitude.com.

     This just in from The Onion News Network…

     I started reading The Onion about nine years ago while working in New Zealand.  There’s always been some pretty brilliant Tech spoof.  But one ardent reader noticed this gem, which carries a pretty serious language alert despite being about the funniest bit of satire I’ve ever seen The Onion put out:

     And an honorable mention….

     Do you have the sneaking suspicion that maybe The Onion spoofed something Apple was actually working on there?  I mean, it seems just ridiculous enough to be… real.  Of course, Apple Engineers never would have noticed the hole — err, whole — NSFW Goatse angle…

     Necessity isn’t the only mother of invention.  Some inventions are just senselessly ridiculous.  A friend of mine started a short list…

how ’bout..waterproof Teabags..Silent Alarm Clocks…oh.,even better…Black Highlighter Pens

     Now, I’m thinking, sure, stuff like that would be bad to invent.  But I think there are plenty more actual inventions which have been worse.  Although, I have to admit, I’ve seen the black highlighter pens at the Dollar Tree…

     There have been numerous inventions for computers which were just a bad idea.  The USB-powered Hotplate, so you that you could cook a Hot Pocket using your PC, is right up there on the list.   If you’re too lazy  to get off your ass and go to the kitchen, then it’s seriously time to put down the friggin’ keyboard…
     Braille Buttons on the Drive-Through ATM are one of the stupidest things I’ve ever seen.  I mean, sure, if I couldn’t see, I’d certainly wanna be able to have access to my money.  But to put those on a drive-through ATM makes about as much sense as putting a safety switch on a Remote Control.  Oh, wait….
     Yeah, the Safety Switch on the Universal Remote control, so that your fat ass can’t accidentally change the channel, was a stupid invention.  That’s just brilliant right there.  I mean, as if, “Dont’ sit on the remote” wasn’t implied…
     Heads up displays in cars, where instrument readings like Speed, Temperature and RPM’s — and possibly even GPS data for directions — are displayed on the windshield instead of the dash are kind of a cool idea.  Some asshat turning his windshield into a Computer Monitor, on the other hand, is pretty stupid, especially when combining it with a TV Tuner and a Windows Media Center, as advertised.  People can’t do two things at once any more, and it’s bad enough they can’t talk on the phone and drive.  The last way I wanna end up getting hit at 80 mph on the Interstate is because some asshat just can’t wait five minutes to check their e-mail and catch up on last night’s exciting episode of Lost.
     The TV show Lost was, of course, another dumb invention.  The show has absolutely no purpose except to spin a bunch of inane crap into a non-existent puzzle that will make Tinfoil Hat people live to see the next episode and figure out if their bullshit theory is correct.  And it never is.  These people need to get a life.  Or a Safety for their remote so that some evil bastard like myself could set it so that they can’t easily watch whatever damn channel Lost comes on …

     But seriously.  The worst invention ever … Was scented, flavored tampons.

     Whatever sicko thought that was a good idea I’ll never know.  But let me tell you, it is because of that person I will never buy one certain brand of boots or watch Detroit’s favorite hockey team…

     The history of the purely American phenomenon of Halloween includes Trick or Treating for the kids (where they play welfare punks and sponge off neighnors for free sugar), some rather dastardly pranks, and, of course, women dressing like role-playing prostitutes.  Apparently, we have a special fondness for Nurse outfits, especially when they’re showing lots of cleavage, which is probably the reason I’m still totally in love with that sexy CNA from 2007, but I digress…

     We, at Blogitude.com, wish you all a happy, and, above all, SAFE Halloween.

     That means, don’t call us at 4AM to come pick you up because you’re too drunk to drive.  Call a cab like all the other poor sods.  Especially, do not call us to bail you out of jail tomorrow, because, regardless of the fact that we may look like we’re made of money, you must remember that a significant portion of our income comes from Writing, and nobody wants to pay for this crap.

     While anti-Death Penalty activists littered the streets with see-no-evil, hear-no-evil antics, a Knox County Jury who actually heard the case against Lemaricus Davidson were deliberating.

     It was a short deliberation.

     Davidson was sentenced to Death.

     A joint press release by Saddam Hussein and Jeffrey Dahmer says that there was overwhelming applause for the outcome of the trial, and wish Davidson a safe and expedient journey to his new residence in Hell.

     “Ain’t so bad, cause you can smoke anywhere,” said Tupac Shakur, another Hell resident. “But they ain’t got Menthol.”

     I will attempt to keep this post up-to-date with new developments.