After multiple issues after a year and a half, I finally talked a vendor into replacing a temperamental server that’d been causing a one of my clients no end of fits.  And so, at 5AM Tuesday morning, the hard drives were pulled and installed in a brand-spanking-new server.  Miraculously, everything worked.  Or so I thought…

     At 5PM yesterday, I was notified by my customer that, “Our mail server has been down all day.”  I’m not sure why they didn’t contact me about it earlier in the day, but… Further inspection of the server log revealed the following actual error message:

Oct 20 05:53:12 antarctica dovecot: Time just moved backwards by 7307 seconds. This might cause a lot of problems, so I’ll just kill myself now.

     It seems that that when the new server rebooted and went through its normal bit of resetting the time, the mailserver died.  However, since this is the actual error message, as listed in the maillog, it is apparent that their mail server has developed a personality.
     Given its new-found malcontentment and predeliction to suicide, I couldn’t help but think perhaps it needs a companion… I know the perfect one…

     And on that note, I’m going revert to “couch potato” mode and watch Hitchhikers’ Guide to the Galaxy…

     We ignored it when the British childrens’ show Rainbow taught such habits…

     But as time progressed, they strayed from innuendo…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWIlBqUNbZU

     Alas, now the problem seems to have crossed into our borders.  Even our beloved Sesame Street has become a refuge for such perversion…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQgB4424SIM

     Sick and twisted, all of it!  And I, for one, intend to do all I can to draw attention this sort of rampant sexual innuendo!

Note: Hat tip to Anton Olsen for his dilligence in bringing this matter to my attention.

     Last night, there was a party I didn’t bother to attend, as I only seem to get in trouble when I hang out with them, anyway.  But, from most accounts, it was a pretty good party.
     Apparently, someone really liked a friend of mine, and instead of mentioning it, decided to be a wallflower, and wait until today to ask.
     “Would you have danced with me last night if I asked you to?”

     It’s been a long time, but  I remember girls asking things like that in high school.  They were young, hadn’t come into their own, and lacked the self-esteem to just walk up and say, “Hey, wanna dance?” “We should go out some time,” or “Here’s my phone number.”
     Even worse were the silly, self-doubting, unsure questions after “hanging out” somewhere.  Things like, “Would you have kissed me last night?”
     For me, even though I was the same age, the answer was always, “No.  You’re too young.”
     Honestly, that probably didn’t help their self-esteem either, but nobody’s ever called me on it, and I did try and explain myself.  Although I probably could have explained it better, I wasn’t trying to hurt their feelings.  It was just that, for a lot of reasons other than making out, I had very little in common with them, and I simply wasn’t interested.

     I think that’s pretty much how my friend felt this afternoon, when replying, “No, you’re not mature enough.”

     I certainly hope her answer didn’t hurt his little high-school-girl feelings.  I mean, with that much self-doubt and low self-esteem, a rejection like that might throw his damn-near-forty-years-old psyche directly into a mid-life crisis, thus destroying the mood for his Monday Manicure…

     Former Senator and Presidential Hopeful John McCain’s 24-year-old daughter Meghan posted this photo on Twitter, with much rebuke.

     Interestingly, if you look close enough, you can see a book called “Andy Warhol.”

     I’d only add the following disclaimer…

WARNING:  OBJECTS IN WEBCAM ARE
SMALLER THAN THEY APPEAR.

     Seriously, what the Hell is everyone bitching about?  I’ve seen more risque images on the Country Music Awards, for chrissakes, and nobody bitches about that… and she’s at least OF LEGAL AGE, unlike half the girls these friggin’ Internet pervs lust after (sick bastards should all be shot!).

     For further entertainment, check out her article about the whole sordid ordeal.

UPDATE 10/17/2009 @ 1:29AM US/EASTERN

     This just in from Fracas…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mL_m81PNBXc

     Although, the video would have been funnier if he’d glammed it up a bit and cried…

Tip: Kudos to Fracas for keeping me informed

     I’ve been observing a lot lately, as well.  Watching the wildlife flirt and shoot each other down like crazy.  But it seems more and more like Women have the upper hand since I was in the dating crowd… In fact, they’re as bad as I remember guys acting back in the 80’s.
     So, for all you guys out there thinking about getting back into the dating scene, here’s a translation guide of the Top 10 things Men Hear that Women Say When Dating.

10. Man hears, “We Need to talk.” Woman means, “I’m gonna talk. You’re gonna shut the fuck up.”

09. Man hears, “I don’t want to have sex.” Woman means, “I don’t want to have sex WITH YOU.”

08. Man hears, “I don’t want to fight.” Woman means, “I’m gonna hurt you, so if your balls mean anything, they better stay more than an arm’s length away.”

07. Man hears, “No, I’m not mad.” Woman means, “In fact, I’m absolutely seething and I’m going probably going to go Lorraina Bobbit on your ass, so don’t fall asleep.”

06. Man hears, “I don’t want any drama!” Woman means, “I *am* the drama!”

05. Man hears, “I’m very family oriented.” Woman means, “I’d *like* to be family oriented, but I hate my family. Can I have yours?”

04. Man hears, “I’m STD free.” Woman means, “Except for the oral herpes, which you’ll find out about in three months.”

03. Man hears, “I’m bi-curious.” Woman means, “I’m gonna fuck a woman whether you’re there or not, because you are male, and therefore SHIT!”

02. Man hears, “Can we just sit down and have a civil conversation?” Woman means, “You sit there and be civil while I berate and call you an asshole, especially if you ask any questions trying to understand the crazy shit coming out of my mouth!”

01. Man hears, “I love you.” Woman means, “OMG, you turn me on…! Oh, god! Oh, god! Oh, god! Oh my god, that was fucking incredible! Now get out…”

     Tongue in cheek. Come on, you know some of them were funny. Don’t hate me for my dry sense of humor. 😉

     And do keep in mind … results may vary.