Vlad III Dracula, Prince of Walachia, was born in Sighișoara, Transylvania in 1431. He was the son of Vlad II Dracul, a member of the Christian Order of the Dragon, sworn to protect The Hungarian Empire from the Ottoman Turks. Despite this, he was given away as a hostage to the Ottoman Empire in order show his father’s loyalty to the Sultan Mehmed II. His first wife jumped from a tower during the Ottoman siege at Poenari, a siege led by his own brother, Radu Bey, aka Radu III The Handsome.

These were among the events that inspired the vengeful, sadistic personality commonly known as Vlad the Impaler, given due to his penchant for impaling the bodies of his defeated enemies on the walls of conquered territories.

Vlad’s reign was so horrific, in fact, that his history inspired Bram Stoker’s Count Dracula, as well as a multitude of other Vampire stories attempting to tie in history with folklore.

Note: Vlad strangled Vladislav II to death in 1456, yet it’s Vlad pictured. It’s still funny.

The biggest problem with those freakin’ vampires is that they’re always tryin’ to be so damned clever!

That said, if Garlic kept away Sarcasm like it did clever Vampires, I’d probably be the most boring, humourless tool on the face of the planet. Me, I always end up with the stupid ones…