Movie Review: “50 Shades of Grey”

February 28th, 2015 at 5:54 pm by Mark
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Alright, so I finally watched that stupid, softcore chick flick, “50 Shades of Grey.” It might be the worst movie I’ve seen since 2003’s Meg-Ryan-wants-to-lose-her-goody-goody-image-and-inspire-future-Miley-Cyrus movie, “In the Cut.” Meg Ryan and Mark Ruffalo underacted that one given the entire script was a steaming pile of banana encrusted poo (damn monkeys), and these idiots did the same thing — it’s an emotionless movie with two full-of-shit characters that no one could possibly give a damn about unless they were just fans because they read the book while drinking a few too many and had the best … ooooh … ohhhh … OHHHH! Yeah. Seriously.

Run-on sentence much? WTF?!

The acting was far less than stellar. As Christian Grey, Jamie Dornan eye-fucked the camera entirely too much, all the while looking like Liam Neeson’s stepson, Sam, in “Love, Actually.” In another interesting parallel, his on-film presence displayed exactly same emotional range as the stark, white DVD cover of “Love, Actually.”

Dakota Johnson’s character, Anastasia Steele, was as lovable and vivacious as Kristin Stewart in Twilight, which puts her just above Grumpy Cat given that she actually cracks a smile a few times. If this is any indication of her acting ability, she would do better sitting on the couch with her father watching old reruns of Miami Vice for tips.

From the opening scene of wondering why Alice — err, Anastasia — fell down a long hole (what?) into some guy’s office, to wondering why the Hell she’s gonna take this kinda shit off a twelve-year-old, it only goes downhill. Oh, he’s a Billionaire. Nevermind. Don’t make me give props to Kanye West… but she ain’t messin’ with a broke, broke … Kim.

As a phenomenon, when you combine “50 Shades of Grey” with the controversy surrounding it and the ravenous feminist blogs that are going around, you kind of expect a little more. I’m going to wait a while before going into the fucked up politics of all that… Seriously, laters, baby… *cough*

50 Shades of Gray is romantic only because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a criminal minds episode.

Seriously Bad Judgment?

February 28th, 2015 at 1:28 pm by Chered
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And now I need bail money…

Ozzy Osbourne: Judge says to me "Ozzy, you've been brought here for drinking."  So I says, Great! Let's get started!"

“What Color Is it?” The Matrix Edition

February 27th, 2015 at 9:03 pm by Cassie
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It would’ve made sense in The Matrix…

In The Matrix: "Are you listen to me Neo? Or were you looking at the woman in the blue dress? Look again."

Poking Fun at the “What Color Is It?” Non-Debate

February 27th, 2015 at 7:19 pm by Mark
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Erica Kato, from virtual channel KRON-TV 4 in San Francisco, has obviously had enough of this shit, too…

KRON-TV 4 Erica Kato: "Me in my white dress and gold hair this morning. #K4MN #WhatColorIsIt #TeamBlackAndBlue"

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Grumpy Cat Weighs In On “What Color Is It?”

February 27th, 2015 at 5:57 pm by Mark
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The entire “What Color Is It?” experiment was a sad social commentary which did nothing but prove that people on the Internet will argue about what’s right in front of them, and that many of them lack basic reasoning skills and, along with that, the ability to understand other people’s points of views. Contrary to all verbal diarrhea by so-called “intelligent” people, the experiment had little to do with higher or lower functioning eyesight or brain function. In fact, the biggest variance in differences depended solely on the contrast levels of the LCD and LED screens that people initially saw the image on.

Grumpy Cat about the "What color is it?" Dress: "Is kiss my ass a color?"