Flirting 102: The Rules and Why Not to Break Them

June 2nd, 2007 at 12:51 pm by Mark
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     I feel incredibly lucky that I’m not afraid of the opposite sex. I can talk to anyone, any time, for pretty much any reason. It comes naturally, having the gift of gab. And so, I will continue where Flirting 101 left off.

     Regardless of whether or not I mean to, or even mean anything by it, I flirt. Even when I’m not flirting, I still get accused of it.
     Of course, there are three very distinct degrees of flirting, and it’s very important to choose both your targets and your motivations carefully.

     First, there’s the Casual Flirt, who’ll flirt with most anyone, and doesn’t really mean anything by it. This is where most people start. Sometimes you do it to be friendly. Other times you’re establishing your presence in new surroundings. Sometimes, it’s nothing more than a casual ego-boost to have someone flirt back — however, this should never be confused with the Romantic Flirt (explained later).
     The Material Flirt has an agenda in mind — they want to sway the outcome of a given situation to their favor. This type of flirting can be used everywhere from trying to get a better deal on an order to trying to swaying a Jury in a courtroom. It’s also an exceptionally handy skill in Business.
     The Romantic Flirt has a more “personal” agenda in mind. They flirt with the object of their desire, attempting to gain favor for whatever means.

     Any person can be all of the above, so it’s important to keep your objective in mind. Is it general banter? A price break on an order? Or are you looking to hook up?

     Not having a clear objective is where many people screw up.

     The Romantic Flirt has even more pitfalls ahead. But you can mitigate these issues by remembering the Three R’s:

  • Romp
  • Relationship
  • Run like Hell!

     Paying attention to the Three R’s will allow you time to get to know someone, and avoid potentially embarrassing situations.  Always keep those in mind!
     It should also go without saying that you should never flirt so much that you make an ass of yourself — hindsight is 20/20, and you may make a mistake that could end up haunting you for life.
     Next, always keep them guessing, and try not to be too overt about your motives — some things are better left to the imagination, and you’re less likely sound like an utter prick.
     Last, but certainly not least, don’t try to “seal the deal” too quickly. If you successfully flirt over a given period of time, you have an “in.” Be yourself, and you’re golden.

     Even with all of those things in mind, an experienced Romantic Flirt like myself may still run into the occasional problem — it happens to everyone!

That’s Me, Immediately After Realizing She Had a Drug Problem     One night, for instance, after trying unsuccessfully to set a friend up with a cute blonde his age, I ended up making out with the object of his affections. She was pretty, very early twenties, tall and slender.
     I was smart in keeping things on a more platonic level, all public snogging at the table aside. It allowed me time, over the course of the following week, to realize that she had a rather serious drug problem.
     Using the Three R’s, I relegated her status to Run like Hell. Of course, being the kind and generous guy that I am, I did introduce her to someone else…
     (Sorry, Zacque. *snicker*)

     Sometimes, however, problems arise where even the Three R’s can’t help you. These issues will require you to completely change your flirting style. For instance…
     Mid-winter, around twelve years ago, I began talking with a woman at local Blues club. We exchanged telephone numbers, and agreed to meet the next night. Sometimes it’s difficult to tell what a body looks like under winter wraps, but she appeared to be quite curvy, which I love. She had a warm personality, beautiful eyes and an incredible smile.
     What I found out the next night, however, after she took off her coat, is that she was more muscular than I was. This is something I do not find attractive in the least, so I then reverted from Romantic Flirt to Casual Flirt and we’ve been friends ever since.
     I was very glad about the turn of events, as some time later, I witnessed her channel her rage by physically assaulting a soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend using incredible feats of strength that would get a “Hoo-ah!” out of the manliest of men … and wrestlers, too. I have not seen the guy in public since…

     These are common problems. However, I often hear much worse tales of those who are young and/or inexperienced enough to make even more fatal mistakes.

     To re-cap the Rules of Flirting:

  1. Carefully choose who it is you’re trying to flirt with.
  2. Keep your objective in mind.
  3. Choose your flirting style:
    1. Casual Flirt
    2. Material Flirt
    3. Romantic Flirt
      1. Romp
      2. Relationship
      3. Run like Hell!

     Please review the following video as an example of what can happen when you break nearly every Rule of Flirting:

     Excluding the obvious issues, given this outline, it’s very easy to see where this young pup went wrong, isn’t it?

     Any questions?


8 Responses to “Flirting 102: The Rules and Why Not to Break Them”

  1. damewiggy Says:

    Yanno, that vid was so amusing that it almost makes me want to stash a ‘prop’ the next time I go out reaction hunting. How fun.

    Is it wrong? Yeah, it’s probably wrong. Never mind.

  2. Barry Says:

    I can’t wait to take the Lab for this course…

  3. Mark Says:

    Well, it usually meets at Coyote Joe’s on Wednesday nights at 9PM, and sometimes at Cotton Eyed Joe’s on Friday nights at 9PM. You can’t miss it … it’s at the table full of obnoxious women. *snicker*

    Past topics have included, “Ass-Kicking is Not Conducive to Flirting,” “The Unfortunate Side-Effects of Heat, Humidity and Vinyl Barstools,” “Is Self-Deprecation Sexy?”, “What Makes an Excellent Picture” and “What Your Breath Should Not Smell Like.”

  4. Diva Says:

    Hahahahahahaha! I’m totally a flirt with everybody kinda flirt. This is something that turns my best friend’s husband on terribly. I flirt with him, I flirt with her. Why Mark, I even flirt with you.

    Hahahahhaha! It’s fun to be flirty.

  5. Diva Says:

    Note to Mark: The level of obnoxiousness has dramatically fallen as of late, unless, of course, you are calling ME obnoxious… *wink*

  6. Zacque Says:

    Sorry that the level of obnoxiousness has fallen by way of my parting the lovely metropolis of Knox Vegas. Thanks for passing that one off on me… I never got to thank you for that. (Kick) I am glad she lost touch. Oh well until then I will continue to be the “flirts with who I want to” since its my party and I can if I want to…

  7. Diva Says:

    Um, Zacque, honey… darlin…. angel. There is absolutely no part of you that could be construed as obnoxious.
    But, yes, you should absolutely continue flirting cuz you want to and you can. xoxox~ Diva

  8. Zacque Says:

    Angel? Whoever could construe me as an angel cast the first stone… Well anyways for a different topic on the subject of dating…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrLTJP6n8AI