Archive for August, 2007

F*@k Like An Animal

August 30th, 2007 at 2:34 pm by Diva
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Dear Sweet Holy Mother of Jesus. The things I hear come out of my teenage daughter’s domocile. My house was infested with her and her little teenage friends last night.

So, I’m painting last night in the hallway between my bedroom and hers when I here, “Oh my God, he’s raping her!”

Being somewhat alarmed that they were watching something questionable on the boob-tube, I put down my paint roller and wander in there to find out who’s raping who.
As it turns out, it was her latest acquisition of animal friend. Rats.

Not long ago, we lost our dear bearded lizzard to a firefly. Well, she didn’t waste any time finding a new pet. Actually, she got one, her boyfriend got one, her friend Jesse got one, her friend Cody got one, and Aaron got one.
They were supposed to reside at her Josh’s house. But, Monday night, here come the teenagers with this huge tank of rodent friends.
Not to mention that Amanda’s rat just gave birth to 9 babies, that will be full grown soon enough. I’ve already demanded that they be sold or released.

Turns out that one of the boy rats was horny as hell and he was chasing this girl rat around and around and around the cage. Apparently he got lucky for a split second and caught up with her. Which is who was raping who.

Other things I heard come out of that room last night whilst rolling paint on the walls:

– Damn, if that was me, I’d have done given up, lit me a cigarrette and counted my losses. (In reponse to the chase for ass)

– Well, those two ate him because he had a big package and they were sick of it. (In response to why the one albino rat was missing).

Somebody Shoot Me…. Thanks!

August 29th, 2007 at 9:45 am by Diva
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So, after the boy’s football game Friday night, I’m tired and I feel just nasty. I was full of Italian Ice, as I had engulfed like 5 during the game trying to cool of. I’d had sweat running from my neck, down my back, directly down my butt crack. 

That, my friends, is not a nice feeling.

Even with feeling grody and tired, I still hoped to go home and get a little lovin’ after a nice cold shower. Know what I mean? I think ya do.

But, no. 

Why is it that I can never seem to get rid of both of teen-aged-mutants at the same time? 

Amanda, my girl, was spending the weekend at Jessie’s (the child that claims me as her other mother).  But, the boy couldn’t stand it; he had to stay home.  Worse yet, he had to stay awake.  So, we get home, I go take a shower and I go to bed…. to sleep.

Hell if I didn’t wake up early, before the boy.  So, I poke Anthony and told him wake up and GET ‘R DUN!!! 

Door was closed and I was under the blanket.  I got too hot, so I go and throw/kick/pitch/toss the blanket in the floor.

Well, Anthony’s cell phone was in the livingroom.  His phone rang.  Matthew decided to answer it.  Matthew decided that he would just bust into MY bedroom to tell his dad that Mario was on the phone. 

BUSTED!

Sweet Jesus.  Now up until that point in life, I don’t believe anything has ever both made me absolutely furious and at the same time nearly given me a heart attack.

This non-knocking problem we are having is getting a little bit on my nerves.
Admittedly, I am most likely the most sexually natured person I know. I dig it.  I want it.  I just can’t help it. 

But even my horns are nipped in the bud, knowing that kid is in the house lurking.  There have been numerous times I’ve just decided to forego play time just because I’d hate to think about anybody else in the house knowing.

GRRR!!!!  Can we say frustrated???

I mean, I swear, I think he has a sixth sense when it comes to knowing if and when we may be even considering having sex.  It’s like he goes that extra mile to keep trying to drive a wedge of any kind between me and Anthony.

Makes me nervous to have anything in my room, let alone my happy drawer.

Then this happened:

So, I get started to get over getting busted by the boy.  And I go outside to start working on the cleaning out of the shed.  This shed is barely a shanty.  It is missing the bottom boards on the walls, so it’s wide open to anything and everything that wants in.

Ok, now there is a reason that shed was in the shape it was in.  I don’t dig going in it and flat refused to go in it for three years.  Not to mention the fact that I’d seen various critters and rodents zipping in and out of there.  *shiver*. 

But, the time had come.  We have a week to be getting all of my crap up and out of the house, which means the shed had to be cleaned too.  I get the broom, the hair spray and my lighter and head out back where the shed stands. 

I stand outside, looking to see what sort of arachnid may be lurking up above my head or down below my feet.  Ewwww!  Dark, scary and spider infested.

So, I finally take the broom, poke it inside the shed and start swingin like a wild woman at whatever might be in my path.  When I didn’t feel that was enough, I took the hairspray and lighter and started blow torching anything that appeared to be an insect of any sort.  The smell of sizzling spiderwebs is a lovely one.

My spider problem apparently taken care of, I forged ahead.  Looking at the piles of shit that were tossed into this shed nearly three years ago when I moved into the house, I decided that if it had been there for damn near three years and not missed, that it wasn’t ever going to be missed.  Rahter than digging through the boxes, I hauled them right out to the bed of the truck.  Locked and loaded for the Knox County dump.

I had gotten most of the crap out, when I thought I heard something.  It was a rustling around sound.  I stopped and assessed what it might be.  I didn’t see anything.  So, I turned around to get another box and IT ran over my foot. 

Well, I’ll swear I thought it was a two-foot rat.  After nearly having the second heart attack of the day and hearing IT run into a window thinking it was a way out of the shed, I saw it.  A baby rabbit.

Still when I’m confined in an icky space where I’m already paranoid, I don’t even want the cutest of furry woodland creatures hippity-hopping over my foot.

Who Has Your Interests at Heart?

August 27th, 2007 at 9:41 pm by Zacque
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Well, in terms of recent events I can say absolutely no one.

Especially in terms of a particular political party that is supposed to be pro-choice.

Let’s take a look at what the term pro-choice means.  (Since I personally believe that the entire country with the exception of a chosen few need a refresher on this term.)  Pro, derived from Latin, means for, as in for or against.  Choice, is Germanic in origin, and simply means the act or choosing the thing chosen.  So together, in all rational thought you would think that being pro-choice would then mean to be for making choices.  Not deciding to be for a specific choice, but the action of making that choice (sorry for the redundancy, however in the light of the Miss Teen South Carolina candidate, one can never be to sure about proving a point).

So why then do the liberals (who unfortunately get lumped into the category with democrats and lazy republicans), say they are pro-choice? 

The answer is so simple: they lump it together with abortion.  Like a small majority of Christians who consider all other faiths to be heathen and un-christian (ex. my god is better than your god so lets fight about it, which is not unlike early kung-fu movies).

So I say drop the noise and notion that you are pro-choice, because you obviously are not.  If you were, what is your stance on gun control?  I advocate safety and proper technique, not crummy legislation that will keep law abiding citizens from owning and operating guns.  While they are not a toy, neither is an automobile.  I don’t see anyone trying to improve the mass transit in this country either, but I’ll save that for another day.

Next this funny thing called citizenship, it is for citizens.  Persons born in or who migrate legally are citizens.  Not illegal immigrants who work without paying federal, state, and local taxes on their incomes.

So in conclusion, I would venture to say that the majority of liberals by my rationale are pro-choice, like so many other things, when it suits them or is more convenient.

please note: definitions are reduced from merriamwebster.com, with the exception of pro-choice.

Woot! Go Cougars, til next week, then Go Panthers!

August 27th, 2007 at 4:32 pm by Diva
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The weekend started with a nice drive to Campbell County. It was the Campbell County Cougar’s season opener against the Union County Patriots. My step-son to be is a Cougar and my ass promised to be there.

It was hotter than 10 hells on Friday and I was not dressed to go to a football game straight from work. I was in a short, black skirt and dressy tank top. Not exactly the gear I’d prefer to be wearing whilst resting my ass on 110 degree concrete bleachers.

The fun part was that my friends, Duck & Debbie, well, their son plays for Union County. So there we are… Me & Anthony and Duck & Debbie. Rooting for our respective kids. When the guy on the P.A. makes the announcement that the kids in the league are encouraged to have good sportsman-like conduct, and how we as parents, should be the same way.

I looked at Debbie and told her as soon as Union County scored I was gonna punch her right square in the mouth. Well I didn’t get to pop her a good one because I had no more than said that when Campbell County scored, twice, in the second quarter.

Good sports-man-ship my ass.

It seemed like we were gonna be pulling splinters out of the boy’s ass from his riding of the bench, but lo and behold, the last 3 minutes 22 seconds of the game they finally put his ass in. He made a serious tackle and assisted in a final touchdown. Go Boy Go!

I decided not to tell him that the majority of the Powell team was there watching them play. I reckon they wanted to see how hard it’s gonna be to whoop up on some Cougar ass.

I don’t know what to do when Powell and Campbell County play. I gradu-ma-wated from Powell several moons ago. But the boy is a Cougar.

I suppose I sew the back of a Powell shirt to the front of a Cougar shirt and be for both.

Fiverr.com

Dealing With Loss

August 27th, 2007 at 2:32 pm by Zacque
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I know it.  I just do.
I can feel it in the air I breathe and the water I drink.
In the tears I cry and the thoughts I think.
I can feel the loss I soon will experience.

While for us there are three constants in this world.
I am sorry my friend there’s one I can’t keep.
The day you leave will be at least a sad day.
Because no one can live forever.