Posts Tagged with "failure"

Your band is just fantastic!

July 15th, 2006 at 8:13 pm by Mark
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That’s really what I think … Ohh, by the way ….. which one’s Pink?

Bastards.

Who Is This Klacster?

April 24th, 2006 at 3:32 pm by Mark
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Copyright © 1991 Orion Picture Corporation     The Klacster, aka Klacster, klac, klac24 & 37042gentlemen (and maybe even bowhite) is a right royal pain in the ass who inhabits several Internet chat rooms. He changes his name like most people change their underwear, first asking, “WHO IS THIS KLACSTER!” (punctuation errors abound) but later revealing himself by quoting: “I AM THE KLACSTER!”

     He appears to be lacking in most of the social graces bewstowed upon the majority of humans, resulting in an amalgam of control issues and low self-esteem.
     Having been bullied most of his life, he takes great pleasure in attempting to debase and upset others, thus feeding his need for power and helping to raise his self-esteem to a level that enables him to leave the house without urinating on himself.
     Considering these issues, his psychological composite largely resembles that of Jame “Buffalo Bill” Gumb, the notorious serial murderer from The Silence of the Lambs: a large, effeminate male who wrestles with his own sexuality.

Common Behavior

     Unfortunately, The Klacster comes on with all of the subtlety of a masturbating rhinoceros. Instead of saying, “Hello, ladies. Would anyone like to meet?” he alienates himself by using any of the following phrases:

  • ANY BITCHES IN CLARKSVILLE WANT TO F@$K? – (Probably not…)
  • ANY SKANKS IN CLARKSVILLE? – (I doubt it…)

     It is, therfore, no wonder the poor boy is unable to get laid.

Remedies

     Aside from the usual remedies of reporting him to the chat host, the majority of his behavior can be made impotent by using your “Ignore” button. For some of us, this is too easy, and disallows us from poking fun at him. The longer some of us put up with him, the more ammunition he gives us to report to the Chat Moderators with gems like:

Other Famous KLACs

     Not to be confused with this idiot:

     Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!

Fiverr.com

Adobe Completes Acquisition of Macromedia

December 7th, 2005 at 9:21 pm by Sam
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On Monday, Adobe released a press release that it had completed its acquisition of Macromedia, Inc. on December 3rd, 2005. This week, they’re starting to actually integrate their product suites, Creative Studio and Studio 8.

So today, it’s time for us to reflect on a few of Macromedia’s crowning achievements…

They single-handedly destroyed ColdFusion after purchasing it from Allaire by forsaking the “small, robust footprint” mentality and adding an antisocial, schizophrenic feature set which didn’t like to get along with itself. This they did instead of fixing its core issue: instability, which prevented its widespread proliferation and acceptance in Enterprise environments. Not to be outdone, they eventually scrapped CF, and released a new “MX” — no doubt a short-hand version George Carlin’s sixth dirty word, adopted by its developers who typed “I hate this new mx!!” in company e-mail — version based on Sun’s ill-gotten, red-headed, bastard-child: JavaServer…

Machine after machine has succumbed to the quagmire that is Macromedia Studio: an obese application which insists on digesting more than its share of the file types you use most — from the tiniest of GIFs and JPEGs to the simplest of JavaScripts and HTML files that you’d quickly open in the Picture Viewer or Notepad — into its esurient entrails, not to be seen for up to ten minutes while its associated application finally opens with a multitude of windows asking you what you’d like to do next. I’d like to see the damn file I tried to open, thank you…

They destroyed a number of popular websites by creating chromeless Flash animations which give you full-page Advertisements inside your current browser window, effectively blocking the majority of content you’re trying to read, and not even your pop-up blocker can stop them…

Good riddance.

It’s pretty clear that Adobe’s going to focus on the creative side, especially merging PDF and Flash. With any luck, they’ll get rid of that ravenous, mangy dog, ColdFusion-MX, and open the door for someone else to write a real CFML server (better yet, a binary interpreter like CLI-PHP!) that doesn’t cost upwards of $1300 Startup and $90K/year in staffing to support it.