Because Fracas asked, and I’m in hyper-stupid, crotchety mode, I’m gonna do The Fuckit List based on some of the ridiculous, inflammatory crap I came up with last night.
So let’s see how many people I can piss off in one go…
1. The “Fuck you! I have a black president!” Mentality – Fuckit!
I’m driving down the road, minding my own business, and a mo’fuck’n’ deer done run out and hit my car
! Oops, no, wrong story.
Instead, no, it’s an African American Obama Voter who sees me coming, but just can’t seem to resist stepping off the curb directly in the path of my motor vehicle. Since there are cars parked to the right and oncoming traffic to the left, by the Grace of Christ, I manage to stop in time and avoid getting yet another dent on my hood. Damn deer…
But it’s close… I’m only inches away from the guy, and he slams his fists down on my hood like I’ve done something wrong, and yells:
“Fuck you! I have a Black President!”
Do you not respond? Oh, suffer the thought.
“No, fuck YOU! You have a half-white president! And he’s mine too, in case you didn’t notice! Now get the fuck out of the road!”
“Fuck you!” he yells back, giving me the double-fisted finger, and still standing there blocking the road.
I rev the engine and lay down on the horn.
Suddenly, there’s another voice from across the street. “Hey, get yo’ ass over here and leave that white boy alone!”
“Sorry, grandad,” he replies humbly and walks out of the way. But he can’t seem to resist sneakily turning and giving me another flip before he disappears from view.
So dude, regardless of whether you a have a black president, a white president, or even a black and tan president, I completely fail to comprehend what this has to do with the fact that you are still an asshole.
2. The “Now That I Have a Black President, I Finally Have Some Opportunity” Mentality – Fuckit!
I must reference Mr. Dobransky’s wonderful post:
I overheard a convenience store employee say that “now that President Obama is in office, he was going to finally get an “opportunity”. So I asked how long he has worked at the store and it turns out he was one of the assistant managers and has been for like 5 years.
I just don’t get it. Opportunity to what? Pull out the Racism and “get back” at people? Keep yelling, “I have a Black President!”? Get an economic stimulus check just like you did last year under the “other” guy, only this time nobody’s complaining that it’ll bankrupt the IRS and giving Obama all the credit for the idea?
The mind boggles.
3. Economic Bailouts of the Auto Manufacturing, Banking and Mortgage Industries – Fuckit!
The company fails while misusing shareholder equity and screwing all their investors. Meanwhile, the company’s leadership get multi-million dollar raises.
“Dude, I just lost $10,000 of my friend’s money playing Blackjack. Give me $10,000 so I can pay him $5,000 of it back and buy some hookers with the rest. k?”
Do I have stupid stamped across my forehead?
4. The Economy Sucks — and it’s Your Fault – Fuckit!
It really is your fault. Everyone keeps telling you the economy sucks, and you fall for it like a sheep.
We’re not a gold-based currency standard any more. Our economy is based on faith in the purchasing power of our hard-earned cash, a system which has many, many flaws. Fighting politicians attempt to circumvent a perfectly reasonable economy by spreading rumors and conjecture so that they can come in and save the day at the last minute by reinvigorating peoples’ faith.
The plan is to feed you a line of bullshit, and come out looking like they’ve actually done something, when the reality is that all they did was add uncertainty and doubt to a paranoid public and fuck things up.
Economic and Stock Analysts get on TV, telling you, “Buy this, buy that. Do this, do that.” Usually, by the time you get into it, those Analysts have already bailed, leaving you losing money. That’s what they do. It’s to make them money, and it’s market manipulation, plain and simple.
The banks keep screwing around with mortgage rates — so they can make more money. Rental agencies keep raising the rates — so they can make more money. And they are… because you keep falling for it!
Sure, there’s some turmoil in the job market, but as these greedy companies fail, there’s always a new one there to take its place. Unemployment really isn’t that bad. People are spending money on frivolous items. Gas is cheaper than it has been in years.
The economy rocks.
And no, Obama didn’t do it.
5. The Civil Rights Act – Fuckit!
I’m sick and tired of explaining the differences between the Civil Rights Act and the Civil Rights Movement. They are two entirely different things. The Civil Rights Movement sought to help America desegregate, and put an end to the racist BS that went on for far too long.
The Civil Rights Act decodified a lot of laws, and gave people the right to sue someone else for a crapton of money, often for no good reason. It did not give blacks the right to vote — they already had that. It did not empower minorities. It did not do shit except give them the right to spend what little, hard-earned cash most of them had on an attorney, only to be told, “Sorry, we can’t sue for that, have a nice day!” by some prick of a white lawyer.
If you read between the lines, that’s right… I said John F. Kennedy was an asshole. In pushing that crap, he perpetrated one of the biggest frauds on the American public ever. And people still haven’t read the friggin’ thing, forty years later.
Frivolous Lawsuits, boys and girls. That’s what the Civil Rights Act is all about. It didn’t have a damn thing to do the Civil Rights Movement, otherwise Louisiana might be compliant already.
Now, I’m wondering if I can sue that idiot I mentioned in Number 1… He like, violated my Civil Rights… or something…
6. The Situation where Asshats Meddle in My Life – Fuckit!
Speaking of “falling for anything,” it seems like Kentucky has an endless supply of idiots who continue to cause problems by calling my business over and over or showing up at my door based on — and spreading — some of the most ridiculous, small-town slander that I’ve ever heard.
It has escalated to the point where people are getting seriously hurt, and if the present trend continues, I fear that someone’s going to end up dead. But if the past few months are any indication, it’s probably not gonna be me.
It’s hard to get Restraining Orders against the anonymous. I actually toyed with the idea that next time, I’ll just stand there and let them do whatever it is they wanna do just to keep from hurting someone else and avoid the anxiety, guilt and depression that alway follows…
I’ve also toyed with the idea of disappearing completely and starting a new life somewhere far away. I thought really hard about that, and realized it wouldn’t solve a damn thing, because there are some things in life which are important, things which I cannot — and will not — let go of.
For everything else … Fuckit.
So that’s my Fuckit List. And I’m breaking the rules about tagging people.
So, Tag. You’re it.