All of this is easily explained: Edward Cullen’s so glittery, he was was probably crapped out of a Unicorn’s butt.

Vlad III Dracula, Prince of Walachia, was born in Sighișoara, Transylvania in 1431. He was the son of Vlad II Dracul, a member of the Christian Order of the Dragon, sworn to protect The Hungarian Empire from the Ottoman Turks. Despite this, he was given away as a hostage to the Ottoman Empire in order show his father’s loyalty to the Sultan Mehmed II. His first wife jumped from a tower during the Ottoman siege at Poenari, a siege led by his own brother, Radu Bey, aka Radu III The Handsome.

These were among the events that inspired the vengeful, sadistic personality commonly known as Vlad the Impaler, given due to his penchant for impaling the bodies of his defeated enemies on the walls of conquered territories.

Vlad’s reign was so horrific, in fact, that his history inspired Bram Stoker’s Count Dracula, as well as a multitude of other Vampire stories attempting to tie in history with folklore.

Note: Vlad strangled Vladislav II to death in 1456, yet it’s Vlad pictured. It’s still funny.

Note: The Toy Story movie, image and its characters are ™ and © 1995-2012 Disney/Pixar, All Rights Reserved. Reproduction in this case represents a basic right to Artistic License in a Non-Commercial Capacity, and is therefore inarguably not under the jurisdiction of any Copyright Act, past or present. i.e. I’m not making t-shirts here, and really don’t feel like dealing with your lawyers, so either laugh or don’t.

It’s a perfectly reasonable theory to think the Dryer might’ve been framed all these years…

Tip: Anita Brown-Henson, via Pinterest.

At least ten people wish they’d not gone grocery shopping on Saturday, April 14th, 2012 at the Publix on Belle Terre Parkway in Palm Coast, Florida …

This week, the Florida Highway Patrol charged a 76-year-old woman, Thelma Wagenhoffer, with Careless Driving after she drove her 2004 Toyota Camry through the front door of the Publix supermaket on Saturday afternoon. Of the ten people injured, only two were injured seriously, and both are expected to make a full recovery. Hiring the best car accident lawyer is the answer to get the right compensation. On the other hand, lemon laws is the one who helps people in getting financial compensation due to defective cars.

Ten things strike me as miraculously amazing about this story in Florida:

• Not a single person was killed or critically injured!
• Casey Anthony did not make a guest appearance.
• No deer-eating pythons were harmed.
• All PGA Pro Tour golfer’s hands are accounted for.
• Boneless New York Strip Steaks, $8.69 a pound!
• No Cuban liberationists were available for comment.
• There was absolutely no evidence of hanging chad!
• Those damn raccoons.
• Geraldo Rivera’s nose remains unbroken.

And, the number one thing I’m miraculously amazed at:

• No female teachers were arrested for having sexual relationships with underage students.

[ Warning: Graphic video, but again, no deaths or critical injuries. ]

Note: Seriously, watching that baby carriage just before the impact freaked me out until I read a little. I’m just glad that no one was killed, as things definitely could’ve been far, far worse.