Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Football Team Underperforming?

January 13th, 2013 at 9:12 pm by Mark
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My pick for the Superbowl: 49ers over Ravens by 6, after two injured 49ers and three injured Ravens. Just my personal hunch… because I really don’t care about NFL football at all.

It’s very often the case that locals love to hate the home team. However, I suspect next season may be a bit different, given the mass firings of coaches this past December…

"Daddy, what's a quarterback?"  "I don't know, son.  We're Bears fans."

What WalMart Thinks of its Customers

January 12th, 2013 at 5:20 pm by Mark
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If increased use of soap, toothpaste and deodorant was your New Year’s Resolution, you might be from Berkeley, California…

WalMart: "We're making resolutions easier to keep."

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Facebook: Sometimes it Burns

January 11th, 2013 at 5:43 pm by Mark
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You can help avoid burns like these by thinking before you type a status update.

"without the ugly in this world, there would be no beautiful"  "Thank you for your sacrifice."

“Your Mom” Jokes from India

January 10th, 2013 at 5:07 pm by Mark
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That’s okay, I understand… And I can’t comment on your mom when I’m in Thailand…

I cannot comment on your Mother... Because cows are sacred in my country.

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Chuck Norris Ain’t All That

January 9th, 2013 at 5:14 pm by Mark
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With all the hype about Chuck Norris, people seem to have forgotten about Bruce Lee…

Bruce Lee: Threw a grenade. Killed 50 people. Then it exploded.