Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Morality Lesson from a Teddy Bear

September 22nd, 2012 at 4:20 pm by Mark
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According to the Recording Industry Association of America, Ted just might have a point…

A Difficult Time at CSI-Canada

September 21st, 2012 at 5:21 pm by Mark
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Just for reference, Canada is spelled, C-Eh-N-Eh-D-Eh.

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You Got 99 Problems?

September 19th, 2012 at 5:57 pm by Mark
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The genius of Edgar Allan Poe lives on…

The Final Word on Apple Zealotry

September 18th, 2012 at 5:45 pm by Mark
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The last two days posts regarding that litigation-crazy fruit company have caused some serious arguments, all of which have no basis in logic or reality. You can read more about this in my forthcoming book, “Why You’re An Idiot: Why ‘Apple is Better Because F#$* You!’ Is Not a Valid Argument.”

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iPhones: Now More Important Than Parenting

September 17th, 2012 at 9:02 pm by Mark
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Her mother should have been the poster child for the Abortion debate… Or even the birth control debate… I’m jus’ sayin’…