Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Popular Scented Candles

August 25th, 2012 at 6:20 pm by Mark
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Another popular candle was scented with cat fur, which had been boiled in water and oil prior to its infusion into wax. You don’t even want to know what it was called…

Facebook: Support Group for the Terminally Emo

August 24th, 2012 at 5:38 pm by Mark
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Facebook is the perfect enabler for overly emotional narcissists, drama queens and asshats just looking to pick a fight… Asshats like Jake, who’s so obviously trying to stir the pot. *rolls eyes* Seriously, Jake, she’s fine — she just needs some Advil®.

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Emperor Palpatine: A Smooth Criminal

August 22nd, 2012 at 9:35 pm by Mark
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Don’t worry, young Skywalker. Everything’ll be fine now that Michael Jackson showed up.

End Email Spam Gender Bias Now!

August 21st, 2012 at 5:05 pm by Mark
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The old demographics, showing that 92% of Internet users were male, no longer apply given that it’s 2012 and Internet and Email usage is pretty proportionate between men and women. So why do we all still get the penis enlargement emails?

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Thief Gets Just Reward

August 20th, 2012 at 5:38 pm by Mark
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While being interviewed by police during booking, it was determined the thief was, indeed, full of shit.