Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Tiger Woods Goes Limp

August 14th, 2012 at 5:22 pm by Mark
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Guess he didn’t have enough stamina… They make a pill for that…

Advice About Feeding the Trolls

August 12th, 2012 at 5:54 pm by Mark
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No matter if you’re correct and truthful, there are always people who are going to lambast you regardless. Even something as simple as a spelling misteak can invalidate your entire argument.

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Blinking Causes Insanity

August 11th, 2012 at 5:00 pm by Mark
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If you have children in the house, there are certainly times it seems they multiply. Being the handfuls that they can be, I swear I think I’ve had 87 children in my living room at times. Sometimes, after saying, “Stop that!” in rapid succession because one hand is grabbing another, even blinking becomes a terrifying experience. Fortunately, there are early bedtimes and spankings…

How Often do Canadians Say Sorry?

August 8th, 2012 at 9:01 pm by Mark
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Considering they use the word, “sorry,” interchangeably with “excuse me?” it comes as no surprise:

Source: @stats_canada via Twitter.

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Sometimes It’s Fun to Play With Your Food

August 7th, 2012 at 9:51 pm by Mark
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You thought I was gonna make a sexual innuendo, didn’t you?