Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Progressive Thinking About Birth Control

February 12th, 2015 at 5:52 pm by Mark
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Speaking of “other” forms of “gun control” …

Zach Galifianakis: "Birth control pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest."

All-Female Ghostbusters to Debut in 2016

February 11th, 2015 at 5:52 pm by Mark
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According to news reports, the 2016 edition of Ghostbusters — the reboot featuring an all-female cast — has an official green-light. Reactions from original cast members Dan Aykroyd, Bill Murray and Sigourney Weaver have been both complimentary and favorable. But until 2016, who ya gonna call?

Who ya gonna call? Goats Butter!

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The Walking Dead: Why Bob Lost His Foot

February 8th, 2015 at 5:50 pm by Mark
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Before Bob, Gareth was eating a clown. He leaned over to another Terminus resident and said, “Does this taste funny to you?”

Rick: "Coral, did you know all those cannibals were aspiring dancers?" Carl: "Dad, stop"  Rick: "That's why they cut footloose, Coral.  They cut footloose!"

Walking Dead Season 5 Mid-Season Premier

February 8th, 2015 at 2:01 pm by Mark
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As the time draws near for the mid-season premier of AMC’s The Walking Dead, everyone has burning questions on their mind. Who’s left from the Terminus group? Is Morgan going to cause trouble? Who will live? Who will die? Is Rick Grimes still batshit crazy?

The Walking Dead's Rick Grimes: "Who's This?" Caller: "Jake, from State Farm..."

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Why Germans Don’t Play Scrabble

February 7th, 2015 at 5:49 pm by Mark
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Because, “Elevator Usage Instructions” was just too damned easy.

Fahrtreppenbenutzungshinweise: Bei gefhar ziehen. Missbrauch wird bestraft!  Translation: Escalator use instructions: "Pull in case of danger. Abuse will be punished!"