After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnet™ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy.
Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.
A few months ago, I was using a urinal in a public restroom, minding my business. As I zipped and turned, some idiot, for reasons still unknown, swung a punch — and missed. I quickly used the momentum of his failed blow to spin him and throw him down hard. I held his face to floor for several minutes, all the while explaining the reason this was a bad idea. Eventually, he said, “Uncle” and I pulled my knee from under his shoulder blade.
With tears streaming down his face (which, considering his aggressive condition, may have been more to do with several minutes of close proximity to years of stale urine and industrial strength floor cleaner than actual pain), he proceeded to leave the establishment.
Although he apologized to me and several other patrons for the trouble he’d caused, he did scream, “F#$* you all! I’m never coming to this place again!” exactly one second before exiting the building. This is expected behavior from an aggressive asshat.
Apparently, said asshat had already caused a lot of problems. Some of the regulars, who had observed the last portion of the short-lived melee, found the situation altogether hilarious. It wasn’t long after that I was sitting at the bar (no one would find that shocking) drinking an on-the-House pitcher of beer.
We laughed, discussed, and I was accepted as “part of the family.” Eventually, the subject of our banter became “restroom etiquette.”
[ Some useless asshat copied this image into his April Flickr photostream, and marked it Creative Commons/Derivative. License to use the derivative work has been granted by the original photographer, KC (again) / Angele. ]
For a few weeks now, Fracas has been pointing out the fact that plenty of people are searching for Shyamali Malakar, and crotch shots, and ending up at her blog.
Just a few minutes ago, she did a pretty decent post about the whole Shyamali hysteria… Seriously, the girl has attained a level of geek-obsession higher than anyone I can ever remember — even after livinh through the Sam Fox, Amy Weber, Teri Hatcher, Alicia Silverstone, Kate Moss, Gillian Anderson and Callista “Ally McBony” Flockheart years (those were prior obsessions, not my picks).
Fracas is also doing the “FuelMyBlog” thing. She’s entered the Design a Widget competition over there, and done a helluva job, too, but they haven’t updated the competition page with it just yet.
Nice job, Fracas!
Now let’s see if we can channel teh Internets your way a little…
Ya know, though, Fracas, I still think doing one with Shyamali and ALT’ing it “Shyamali Malakar Nude” would get some serious traffic headed in your direction… 😉
The only nice thing about being sick and having a high fever is that I’ll laugh at just about anything … At least today, I seem to be awake, whereas the last three, I’ve been pretty asleep the whole time.
Apparently, Will Ferrell’s also got a Landlord from Hell… There’s some language, for those at work, but it’s hilarious. Watch the video on its original site…
