Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Homeless Pick-Up Line Fail

February 8th, 2014 at 3:12 pm by Mark
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This one goes really great with other lines like, “Car? No, but I’d be happy to give you a ride!” and “Hey, baby! Wanna make a few extra bucks?”

Homeless on side of interstate: "Justs here to meet chicks."

Eight Buns in a Bag? Close Enough

February 8th, 2014 at 1:54 pm by Mark
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There’s a reason things like this end up at UGO & Big Lots.

Hamburger Buns in Hot Dog Bugs packaging.  "YOU HAD ONE JOB"

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Spooning: Fun for Guys?

February 7th, 2014 at 9:10 pm by Mark
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Some things in a relationship are considered, “acceptable risk.” Spooning is one of them.

Spooning.  For Girls: Cute, warm and straight to sleep.  For Boys: Face full of hair, dead arm and an awkward boner.

Mixed Memes

February 7th, 2014 at 7:01 pm by Mark
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When memes get old, sometimes they bear an only child.

One does not simply... have time for that.

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Earbug From the Most Interesting Man in the World

February 7th, 2014 at 5:56 pm by Mark
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You just sang it in your head, didn’t you?

I don't always leave my friends behind.  But when I do, it's because my friends can't dance and if they don't dance, well then they're not friends of mine.