Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

How to Understand Women: A Child’s Perspective

February 7th, 2014 at 1:57 pm by Mark
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Sometimes, it’s difficult to tell whether kids are wise beyond their years or just mimicking an adult…

Cover: "How to Understand Women."  Page 1:  "This book is all about understand women.  Best-selling author."  Page 2: "You can't.  The end."

American Journalists Still Complaining in Sochi

February 6th, 2014 at 7:57 pm by Mark
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Today, journalists in Sochi, Russia for the opening of the Winter Olympics are complaining about all of the shirtless photos of Russian Prime Minister, Vladimir Putin. They apparently do not realize that Vladimir Putin is what happens when James Bond gets one of his villains pregnant and the child grows up to kick both their asses.

Vladimir Putin Riding Bear.  "Liberty. American may have right bear arms. But Soviet Russian have right to whole bear."

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Are Helen Keller Jokes Offensive?

February 6th, 2014 at 5:32 pm by Mark
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If I have to ask whether a joke is going to offend anyone before I post it, it probably is. That does not, however, mean I that won’t spew coffee out my nose the first time I hear it…

Helen Keller and her beloved cat, "Mittens"

Meanwhile in Russia…

February 5th, 2014 at 9:50 pm by Mark
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Journalists showing off their hotel rooms with Putin portraits reminded me of one thing…

Putin On The Ritz

Which reminded me of something else…

Stock Photos

Best of Craigslist Nominee — on Twitter

February 5th, 2014 at 7:39 pm by Mark
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Someone needs to inform Yahoo Sports correspondent Dan Wetzel that Twitter is not Craigslist. And that’s too bad, because I’d definitely promote this to Best of Craigslist.

Twitter @DanWetzel: "To anyone in Sochi: I am now in possession of three light bulbs. Will trade for a door handle. This offer is real:"