Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Flirting 105: Make Sure It’s What You Want

December 14th, 2013 at 5:23 pm by Mark
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I know you’ve heard the line, “After 3AM, everyone’s gorgeous.” It’s important to make your decisions prior to drinking.

He Turned Her On: Now What?

Durex Makes its Apologies

December 13th, 2013 at 9:13 pm by Mark
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International Condom marker, Durex, has repeatedly made a name for itself with its edgy, sarcastic advertising.

Durex Comments on Honey BooBoo: "We are really sorry for this."

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Some Things Never Change

December 13th, 2013 at 5:08 pm by Mark
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Who says you can’t make sarcastic family photos for the Holidays? And if this family has had things as rough as most people have this year, she’s probably graduated to Jack Daniels.

Family Photo: 1984-2012

And That’s How the Fight Started…

December 12th, 2013 at 9:08 pm by Mark
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As accidental — albeit stupid — as it might be, you just know there’s going to be some serious fallout… [pun intended]

Beer on the Boobs: The Fight Starts in 3... 2... 1...

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Teenagers: How to Break Bad News to Your Parents

December 12th, 2013 at 5:04 pm by Mark
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This, of course, assumes that your parents don’t rip your head off shoulders before you have a chance to come clean…

"Mom! Dad!" "What?" "I got a girl pregnant." "You what?!" "Just kidding. I failed my math test." "Thank god!" Breaking the news to your parents: Like a boss!