After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnet™ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy.
Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.
May 26th, 2013 at 5:52 pm by Mark
Tags: bad day, poop, toilet, toilet paper
As most people already know, the first sign that you’re having a bad is having a take a Number 2 at a public toilet. After this point, it can only get worse…
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May 25th, 2013 at 5:04 pm by Mark
Tags: air, doritos, elements, food
So last night, I’m craving a bag of Doritos. I picked up a small bag for $0.75 — expensive, no real value, but I had spare change. What do I find inside? Nine chips, lying at the very bottom of what appeared to be a very full bag. Not enough chips to make all ten fingers orange…
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May 24th, 2013 at 9:17 pm by Mark
Tags: chinese, english, food, spelling
After all of this, my fortune said, “You have an interesting tool for success. Use it wisely.” I didn’t even have to add, “…in bed” to the end.
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May 23rd, 2013 at 5:36 pm by Mark
Tags: asshts, rude, stupidity
I attempted a variation of this, but try as I might, the anvils just wouldn’t fit in my pockets without tearing my jeans…
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May 22nd, 2013 at 5:09 pm by Mark
Tags: apple, cellphones, iphone, sarcasm, taxes, think different
Amidst slams of tax evasion by the several world governments, and after years of throwing everything but the kitchen sink into what used to be known as the “cellular telephone,” Apple has made yet another paradigm shift for their next iPhone…
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