Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Why Do So Many Marriages End in Divorce?

April 16th, 2013 at 5:22 pm by Mark
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I’ve watched similar “arguments,” however one-sided they might be, unfold often. Some people are simply too steadfast in jumping to conclusions and making wild assumptions, and regardless of logic, reason and proof, go on the offensive to “Attack!” and keep up the pressure afterwards. When things go from unfair to uncharacteristically sadistic, there’s little hope left.

Unfortunately, the vast majority of people who get this “mood” refuse to look at how their own behavior affects their relationship with their partner. And it’s not just women — this sort of fatalism is far too prevalent in both genders.

"After 3 years, I have to let you know I can no longer be your boyfriend."  "WTF! You can't be serious right now...it's cool though, Josh, that's why I've been having sex with your best friend for the past 2 years you ASS"  "Wow...really? I was about to say I can't be your boyfriend anymore because I want to be your husband... =("

In Case of Apocalypse, Please Avoid These Places

April 15th, 2013 at 5:24 pm by Mark
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In case of Apocalypse, if movies are correct, you should also be sure to stay away from the White House in DC, the Pyramids in Egypt, the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, the Eiffel Tower in Paris, the Millennium Bridge in London, the Colosseum in Rome, Hoover Dam on the border of Arizona & Nevada, and the Hollywood Sign.

You should also avoid the entire Jakarta, Los Angeles, & Washington, D.C. freeway systems… regardless of whether or there’s an Apocalypse going on.

If the Apocalypes Ever Happens, Stay Away From the Statue of Liberty

Stock Photos

I Guess She’s Team Jacob…

April 14th, 2013 at 9:12 pm by Mark
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Apparently, she’s more into bestiality than necrophilia…

Flips off Robert Pattinson: "TEAM THIS LADY!"

Grammar is Extremely Important

April 13th, 2013 at 5:27 pm by Mark
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In the immortal words of a very mortal Facebook user:

I hate people who don’t know the difference between your and you’re. There so stupid.

Grammar: The Difference Between Knowing Your Shit and Knowing You're Shit.

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Papa Smurf, Dead at 87

April 12th, 2013 at 5:19 pm by Mark
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Ohio-born Jonathan Winters was a straight-up comic genius, a man of a thousand voices — including that of Papa Smurf in the 2011 movie. The news of his death today makes me wanna find old episodes of Mork & Mindy

"Life is a shit sandwich. But if you've got enough bread, you don't taste the shit." --- Jonathan Winters

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDDXjZ2wLxw