Author Archive for Mark

After rounding the world four times and getting the piercings, but only having three earrings to show for it because he's too picky about what he'll actually put back in his ear, Mark attempted to settle down back in his hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. This, of course, did not happen because, quite apparently, he has been biologically implanted with a PsychoMagnetâ„¢ which makes even the most stable of people batshit crazy. Mark is currently "hiding" in wildly public places, and making as much noise as possible, while throngs of anonymous nutjobs accuse him of every salacious deed imaginable, such as the unseasonable rainfall of 2011, the murders of several prominent people who are still very much alive, and the 1915 sinking of the Lusitania. Mark is a carnivorous smoker who is Politically agnostic, unable to reproduce, refuses all manners of Internet dating, and generally believes that Murphy was an optimist.

Worried About Your Size?

March 22nd, 2013 at 7:57 pm by Mark
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It’s not the size of the tool, but how you use it that makes all the difference…

How to Please a Woman ... with 3 1/2 inches.

Japan vs. America: Hellno Kitty

March 21st, 2013 at 9:02 pm by Mark
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While the Japanese emphasize “cute” and “happy” with Hello Kitty, Americans do tend to emphasize the negative with “Grumpy Cat” and “Hellno Kitty.”

Hello Kitty?  Hellno Kitty.

Stock Photos

Lacking in the Romance Department?

March 20th, 2013 at 5:52 pm by Mark
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Strangely enough, I’ve seen it both ways. When posting images on the Internet, context definitely counts…

Rose Petals Leading to the Bed: "Wish someone was romantic enough to do this for me, just once." "I thought those were bloodstains." "There are two kinds of people..."

Pope Francis Condemned by God?

March 19th, 2013 at 5:39 pm by Mark
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If the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden was the symbol of knowledge and freewill, and the average Apple product is connected to all the knowledge of mankind with a “Think Different!” moniker, then I’d say the new Pope is f@#$ed…

Zach: "The Pope tweeted from an iOS device, your move android."  Grame: "God chose wisely." Zach: "In Apple we trust."  Chris: "That's some bad news for the Pope 'cause the last time Adam and Eve used an Apple without God's permission, shit didn't end well."  IT'S TRUE!

Get $20 of bonus stock when you make a deposit on Stash!

New Candles at WalMart?

March 18th, 2013 at 5:34 pm by Mark
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I think these candles at WalMart might be new, but I’m not really sure…

WalMart Candles: NEW! NEW! NEW! NEW! NEW!