Archive for the 'knoxville' Category

How to Talk Like a Kiwi

June 9th, 2021 at 12:05 pm by Mark
Tags: , , , ,

One of the most difficult things for most people to do is to “talk like a Kiwi,” and make it sound remotely passable. New Zealand’s particular form of English is quite unique, and it’s mostly to do with their pronunciation of Vowels, but also to do with creating syllables in monosyllabic words, and dropping of syllables and consonants in others… mostly… (uttered as a sheepish afterthought, like Newt from Aliens)

For example, a soft “e” is pronounced like an American soft “i” (and, conversely, “i” becomes “e”). “O” is most often a soft “u”, with soft “u” becoming “ah.” “Y” is a hard “e,” no matter how you do it. “R” is only pronounced at the beginning of any word, and succumbs to vowels when anywhere else. And if you wanna know how to pronounce a soft “a,” just forget it. It could be anything. And then, of course, there are exceptions to everything. Throw in a few regional words, and you’re just fucked.
For example:

  • “I’m on my deck eating fish” = “Em on mee dick eatun fesh”
  • “Kia ora, mate!” = “KYOR-uh, met!”
  • “This sounds stupid.” = “Thess SEE-owns fect.”
  • “Where is your restroom?” = “Whiz yah bog?” pronounced “bahg”
  • “I can’t find it” = “Uh cunt.”
  • “Yes” = “Uhh yeh, nah, yeh”

Keep practicing. Once you sound like a complete idiot with a speech impediment, you’re halfway there. Check out this video for more tips.

Happy New Year!

January 1st, 2019 at 11:04 am by Mike

Mark, we hate you. We love you. Thank you for your service, bro — because even if you weren’t enlisted, you watched out for us, Old Man.

It is what it is.

Get $20 of bonus stock when you make a deposit on Stash!

Pennywise is Not IT

September 14th, 2017 at 5:10 pm by Mark
Tags: , , , ,

Despite the fact that any rendition would have to be better than the crap 80’s version of Stephen King’s IT, I’m still sick of the commercials…

* Hat tip to Chered for the idea

Facebook Relationship Status: Netflix & Weed

July 26th, 2017 at 7:31 pm by Mike
Tags: , , , ,

And everything was good until he realized Netflix was actually stalking him through his Samsung Smart TV…

responsive_wp_468x60

Apartment for Rent?

July 24th, 2017 at 5:02 pm by Chered
Tags: , , ,

And it was in such a good neighborhood…