As most people already know, the first sign that you’re having a bad is having a take a Number 2 at a public toilet. After this point, it can only get worse…

So last night, I’m craving a bag of Doritos. I picked up a small bag for $0.75 — expensive, no real value, but I had spare change. What do I find inside? Nine chips, lying at the very bottom of what appeared to be a very full bag. Not enough chips to make all ten fingers orange…

After all of this, my fortune said, “You have an interesting tool for success. Use it wisely.” I didn’t even have to add, “…in bed” to the end.

I attempted a variation of this, but try as I might, the anvils just wouldn’t fit in my pockets without tearing my jeans…

Amidst slams of tax evasion by the several world governments, and after years of throwing everything but the kitchen sink into what used to be known as the “cellular telephone,” Apple has made yet another paradigm shift for their next iPhone…